


Haunted Illusions or not?

by TosMichiyo



Series: Haunted Death [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Insanity, M/M, Obsession, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-13 00:38:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7955302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TosMichiyo/pseuds/TosMichiyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lord Voldemort is finally gone and everyone can pick up their lives. Why is Harry Potter’s life still falling apart after one year of freedom? Was it because Voldemort had been the one thing constant in his life since he was 11?<br/>Nightmares of Tom Riddle and Voldemort haunt his every night. Ginny is finally fed up with him and leaves him alone. Harry feels more alone than ever and throughout it all he begins to doubt what is real and what is not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Boy Who Lived

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ^-^.  
> Here is another idea which got stuck in my mind. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy ^-^!  
> All mistakes are my own :). English is not my first language, so there might be some mistakes in it! Sorry about that. 
> 
> If anyone wants to beta-read the story, please let me know ^-^. 
> 
> Anyway enjoy and cya next update ^-^!

### Chapter 1: The Boy Who Lived

Harry sat up with a gasp, his hand going to his chest, where his heart was beating loudly. “Harry?” Ginny whispered next to him, her voice still sounded sleepy and he knew he must have woken her up as well. 

Harry quickly got up and left the bedroom, he could hear Ginny calling his name, but he ignored it, as he tried to calm down his racing heart and body. It had been one fucking year… one year. Why? Voldemort was gone, Tom Riddle was dead. He should be able to pick up his life as well. Just like everyone around him.

With a heavy sigh he sat down in the armchair downstairs, holding his head in his hands. “Harry…” Ginny’s voice whispered. 

“I am fine. Just a nightmare Ginny.” Harry replied, as he carefully looked up. He had his eyes fixed since he started training to be an auror. Glasses were an inconvenience that he couldn’t use. He should have done it way sooner he realized. 

Ginny sighed and the redhead moved towards him. She crouched down in front of him and grabbed his hands gently, pulling them away from his head. Her hands which were so soft and warm. He looked at her and saw the concern and worry, just like always. He always made her worry. But not only her, Hermione and Ron too. Even some of the others seemed to be careful around him. 

As if he would break at any given moment. “This can’t go on like this. It has been one year.” Ginny whispered. Harry snorted, that was the same thing he just thought. “Please Harry. Consider getting some professional help. Hermione said that you have seen too much and you can’t handle it all on your own.” 

“I am fine!” Harry snapped and then he looked a bit guilty. “Sorry….” He muttered. Ginny looked down at their hands, before sighing softly. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” She whispered. And never before had heard Harry more awful words. Was she going to leave him? “I will be leaving for the Burrow tomorrow.” She glanced up and he could see the tears in her eyes. Harry raised his hand, but she got up and walked away. 

Harry lowered his trembling hand. Just like that she would leave… He glared at his hands which clenched into fists. This couldn’t be happening… Ginny he loves her. Could he truly let her go just like that? No, of course not. 

He got up and walked into the bedroom, already seeing Ginny packing her stuff. “Ginny...” He started, but she interrupted immediately. 

“No, Harry. You have been having nightmares every damn night for one whole year. You neglect to take care of yourself or seek any help! I am done… I love you, I really do. But I just can’t do this anymore.” She said softly. Harry could see her eyes and cheeks were wet from crying. 

He walked up to her and embraced her. “I am so sorry… I will fix it, I promise you.” Harry whispered against the red hair. Even though he had no idea how to fix it at all.

Ginny shook her head against his chest, as her fingers tightly griped into his pyjama. “I wish I could help you… but you don’t let any of us in, Harry. You don’t tell any of us what goes through your mind.” Ginny whispered sadly. “How can we help you then?” 

Harry’s eyes turned sad, while he stared at her suitcase lying on the bed. “You can’t help me…” He muttered. And Harry knew she couldn’t. No one could help him. “Go to sleep, Ginny. Tomorrow I think it is best if you indeed leave.” Harry whispered sadly. “Maybe I just need some time alone to fix this.” 

“Harry.” She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “You have pulled away from the auror training; you are not doing anything right now. Are you sure you will be fine on your own?” 

Harry nodded and smiled a bit. “I will be fine. I just need to process everything that has happened, Ginny. Please… give me some time.” 

She still looked unsure of it all, but eventually nodded. “You can always come to the Burrow you know…” 

“I know.” Harry whispered as he cupped her cheek. He gently kissed her forehead, and with wordless and wandless magic he moved the suitcase to the ground. “Good night, Ginny.” He whispered. Reluctantly she lay back down and Harry went back down stairs. 

He couldn’t wait for this night to end… This was the most awful night of the whole year and he hated it. He sat back in the armchair and let his head rest against the back, he stared up at the ceiling, but in his mind he could only see the images of his dream, no more like a nightmare. 

He could see Voldemort, hovering over him, touching him in ways which should make Harry feel afraid. Instead it didn’t… he felt something that he didn’t even feel with Ginny anymore. Desire and lust. Voldemort touching him so intimately aroused him and that did actually scare him. His dreams had changed to wet dreams almost 5 months ago…

And Ginny and he hadn’t even had sex. To Harry’s horror he couldn’t get it up for her. She said it might still be stress and just take some time and take it easy. But Harry began to fear that something was just plain wrong with him. Who in their right mind would lust after their enemy? An enemy that was now dead anyway. 

Who had wet dreams about his enemies…? It was pure madness and he would never admit it. Never would he say those things out loud. They would say the same thing he was thinking right now. He was insane… maybe he deserved to be locked up, far away from this world. 

Harry sighed and before he even realized it, it was already morning. He had been dozing off a bit, until a sound caught his attention. He looked up and saw Ginny already standing there with her suitcase. She looked rather sad, but what could Harry even try to say to make it right… 

“I am sorry…” He whispered. Even apologizing wouldn’t make it right. He needed to stop those dreams, those nightmares. 

Ginny put her suitcase down and walked over to him. “Please, just take care. I will be gone for one month okay… and if you need me or anyone else just call alright?” She looked worried again, so he nodded. He stood up and hugged her. 

“Stay safe.” He whispered into her hair. She smiled a bit and gave a nod. As she walked out of the door, the room felt a lot colder. As if everything that was holding him together was gone and Harry knew that it might be true. 

Harry sighed and moved towards the kitchen, fixing himself some coffee. He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. The house was way too silent as he sat down at the kitchen table with his coffee and some breakfast. 

It felt like he was truly alone and he hated it. Deep down, he wondered if he should even be alone with his own thoughts like this. He was already going insane, well at least he believed he was. 

Isolation would only make it worse, wouldn’t it? 

Somehow the day went by quicker than Harry had anticipated in the morning and Harry felt anxious, knowing that this night he would be sleeping in the bed alone. Yet he still lay down after his shower and stared at the ceiling. “Nox…” He whispered. The light around him went out and the darkness seemed to be suffocating him all of sudden. “Lumos.” Harry groaned out as he sat up. 

He had never felt like that. Was it because he was all alone? He had never slept in their home all by himself. He took a few deep breaths, deciding to keep the lights on. He turned on his side and closed his eyes. 

He tried to relax his body, but even after the shower he had he felt the tension in his body. Eventually after some tossing and turning he fell asleep. 

Nightmares haunted his dreams, darkness creeped up on him and all around him. “Mine…” Voldemort’s voice hissed. Harry arched up at the touch on his chest, nails raked over his chest and stomach. A cold laugh echoed through his dreamlike state. “How pretty you are like this, Harry Potter.” Voldemort whispered softly. Harry could feel the other’s breath against his own lips.

Harry opened his eyes and his hands went towards his enemy, gently putting pressure on the back of his neck. “Kiss me...” He muttered. The lipless mouth seemed to smirk as Voldemort moved closer. The red eyes shone with satisfaction and desire.

“So desperate… so alone. So weak.” Voldemort hissed against his lips and Harry knew these words were true. Voldemort laughed. “So insane.” Voldemort grabbed his head and pulled him in for a desperate kiss, teeth clanked and Harry felt Voldemort bite down at his lip. 

Harry let out a pained gasp. Harry panted as Voldemort pulled back and looked at him, those red eyes staring straight at him. A hand grabbed his chin gently. “I will haunt you forever, Harry Potter.”


	2. Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione and Ron visit Harry. Meanwhile Harry still struggles against his own desires and dreams.  
> And as he begins to see shadows, he starts to doubt his sanity even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the next chapter :).
> 
> Hope you all enjoy ^-^!  
> All mistakes are still my own!
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and so on :)!
> 
> Cya next update ^-^!

### Chapter 2: Shadows

As six days had passed Harry grew more restless. The coldness that had settled in the house seemed to settle in him as well and he couldn’t get rid of it. His dreams were still plagued with nightmares or more like wet dreams about Voldemort or Tom Riddle. 

So most of the nights Harry didn’t even sleep, yet he couldn’t stay awake forever. He also knew it was wrong, but he just didn’t want to fall asleep at times. He knew how quickly he could become addicted to that feeling in his dreams. Deep down he already was… He had already giving in, but he was just too stubborn to admit it. 

Harry was just busy in the kitchen doing the dishes from the whole day, when he heard the fireplace. He groaned, he knew it wouldn’t take too long before they would check upon him. Cursing silently he stepped into the living room, crouching down near the fireplace he saw Hermione’s face inside it.

“Harry! Oh thank god you are there. Ron and I were wondering if we could come through. Just like old times, just the three of us.” Hermione said. Harry could hear the happiness in her voice in wanting to be with him as well. 

He smiled at her. “That sounds good, Hermione. How late?” 

“How about now? Ron and I will be staying the night. We can use the guest room across from your bedroom right?” Hermione asked, just to be sure. 

“Yeah, fine with me.” She nodded and they said their goodbyes. As soon as the fireplace was empty again Harry’s smile dropped. They were going to spend the night. They were going to see if he was doing alright. With an irritated groan, he went back to finish the dishes. 

He didn’t need them to worry about him… He didn’t need anyone to babysit him. He just needed to cope with this all. He could not just tell anyone about what was happening to him. It was insane… 

“Harry!?” Hermione’s voice sounded from the living room.

“I am in the kitchen.” He called back and he heard footsteps moving towards the kitchen door. He dried his hands and put everything back in the right shelves. The door opened and both Hermione and Ron walked in. “Sorry, just finished the dishes.” 

“It’s fine. We should have asked beforehand.” Hermione said with a soft smile, as she moved towards him and hugged him. Ron also stood next to her and when Hermione and Harry let go, Ron put his hand atop Harry’s shoulder and also pulled him into a tight hug. 

“Heey mate. How you doing?” Ron asked as he pulled back a bit. 

“I am fine.” Harry replied with a smile. Lies… They both nodded, but Harry could see that Hermione had a slightly calculated look. She most certainly didn’t believe his lie. “You really don’t need to watch over me, you know.” Harry muttered. 

“We are your friends, Harry.” Hermione stated. “We just want to help you.” 

Help… He doubted that even professional help could save him. “I know… how is Ginny?” Harry asked as he looked at Ron. 

Ron sighed and shook his head. “Not taking it too well, but she has been spared from the most awful parts of the war after all… So she can’t exactly understand what you are going through.” Harry nodded. He was glad that she had been spared all that. She had not seen much of the horrors that had been out there, Voldemort included. 

“Both of you just need some time apart I think…” Hermione said. Her voice soft and her eyes sad. “It is hard on her as well. She wants to help you, but she doesn’t know how anymore. Honestly I think we all don’t know how to help you at times, Harry.” 

Harry shook his head and a small grin appeared on his face. “Believe me, even I don’t know at times.” Though it was meant to be serious Ron snorted at it, earning a glare and a shove from Hermione. It only made Harry laugh. 

The coldness that had been in the house seemed to vanish, as if it never had existed in the first place. They spend the evening playing some chess, Ron won most games. But Hermione and Harry if they worked together they could beat him at times. 

Harry laughed much more than he had the past days and when it was already past midnight they went to turn in. Harry dreaded this and he made sure to at least use some silencing wards, so that Hermione and Ron wouldn’t hear it if something did happen. If he would fall asleep that was.

Luckily Harry had a book in his bedroom, so he spends most of the night reading, staying awake. Even though his body seemed tired, he didn’t give in. When morning came he quickly grabbed a pepper-up potion and went into the shower. After that he quickly dressed and prepared some breakfast for them. 

“Oh, good morning. You are up early.” Hermione said as she looked towards the clock and then looked over him. 

Harry smiled. “Yeah, I always wake up early.” He said. Hermione gave a brief nod, but he saw she didn’t believe his words. 

“Did you even sleep, Harry?” She asked while she sat down at the table. 

“Of course I did.” Harry said, hoping that he sounded shocked enough. “A human being cannot live without sleep.” Harry stated, then the door opened and Ron walked in still half asleep, as he rubbed his eyes. 

“Morning…” He muttered, sitting down next to Hermione, who still looked at Harry. Harry briefly glared at her and then continued on the making the eggs and some sausages. 

“Harry, I only mean that we can live with potions and stuff, but it does not fix anything.” Hermione stated. “We need to sleep…”

“Hermione! I am fine. ” He snarled at her, turning to glare at her once more. “Do not question what I do or what I do not. As long as I say I am fine, I am fucking fine.” 

Ron blinked up at the both of them, clearly awake now that Harry had snapped. “What did I miss?” He asked, looking at Harry with a bit of worry in his eyes. 

“Nothing.” Harry snapped and then he once more turned his attention on the pans. He quickly put the food on the table and sat down himself. He felt quite irritated at their behaviour. 

The breakfast was spend in silence, the tension was visible in the air and Harry wanted nothing more than to be alone once more. 

So he was glad when they decided to leave soon after breakfast, clearly Hermione didn’t know what to say to him anymore. 

Well until she stood in front of the fireplace then. “Harry, please if something is bothering you, talk to us.” She said slowly. “This isn’t like you….” 

Harry sighed and looked away from her. “I am fine… I didn’t sleep that well...” Still a damn lie… Harry cursed inwardly. As he glanced up he saw the two of them looking at each other with pity and worry. 

“Harry… maybe you could try some psychologist who is a muggle? That way you won’t have to deal with being famous. But you would still be able to get some help.” Hermione offered. 

“I…” Harry could see that Hermione would not step down. She was right of course… it had been one year. But his problems were different from the nightmares that he had faced in the past. “I might try that…” Harry muttered. A bright hopeful smile appeared on Hermione’s face and that made it worth it. Hermione hugged him tightly. 

“Thank you… I am sure it will help.” Hermione whispered. “You don’t have to tell him everything of course, just try to explain what you are dealing with. Maybe Kingsley might be able to help you find someone.” 

Ron also smiled and Harry’s lips turned upwards. “I will send him a letter…” Harry said. 

The two of them left and Harry stared at the fireplace. A psychologist? He would be declared insane, no matter if it was a muggle or a wizard psychologist… 

He shook his head, he would not write Kingsley. Not yet. He could deal with it. He needed to deal with it himself. He could not burden anyone else. He lay down on the couch, feeling slightly tired. Hermione was right. Potions could only do so much… 

Harry sighed and closed his eyes. He felt himself dozing off a bit, but as he felt coldness on his chest he sat up and the cold feeling disappeared. Harry’s eyes were wide as he looked around the room for any indication that someone was there. But he didn’t see anything.

Harry shook his head and lay back down with a groan. There was no one there… he was alone, just like before. It just seemed like the coldness once more moved through the house and Harry blinked his eyes. 

His eyes widened and he looked over to his side. He almost believed he saw a black shadow in the corner, but he saw nothing there. He carefully sat up and stared at the corner. But even as he focused on it, he saw nothing. 

“Must be my imagination…” Harry whispered in the empty room. He lay back down and closed his eyes. Soon sleep overtook him and his dreams this night were filled with Tom Riddle. 

The black-haired male smiled at him and a hand moved over his chest, his other hand moved up and traced over his scar. “So pure and innocent.” Tom whispered as he leaned closer. 

Harry’s breath hitched as he felt the warmth spread through his body. Tom hovered above him, smiling down at him. Such a charming smile on that handsome face should be illegal. Tom brushed their lips together softly and gently. So different than when Voldemort would kiss him. 

He could almost mistake Tom’s kiss for a lover’s kiss. So sweet and gentle he always kissed him. Harry tentatively moved his lips, making Tom’s lips curve upwards. “You miss me, don’t you Harry?” Tom whispered against his lips. Then those blue eyes turned sad. “It is your fault I am gone…” 

Harry wanted to say that it was his own fault for creating all those horcruxes, for destroying himself. But he kept his mouth shut. Tom chuckled. “It was not my fault, Harry. If you had not destroyed them all. I would still be there. Haunting you down, giving you a reason to live. You are addicted to the danger.” Tom hissed. His blue eyes hardening. “Addicted to me… without me you feel lost. It is so sad really.” 

Harry still kept silent, as he closed his eyes he needed to wake up. Tom was in one of those moods, instead of simply touching him. Tom was going to taunt him and Harry didn’t want that. He didn’t want to face the reality of Tom’s words. 

Because he knew them to be true. And everyone would declare him insane if he even uttered a word about missing Voldemort in his life. A kiss was placed on his forehead. Harry sighed deeply. “Please…” Harry whispered. 

His clothes faded away and Harry shivered as he was left naked. A hand moved down and Tom kissed him. “Anything you want, my dear.” Tom whispered, before once more claiming his lips in a passionate kiss. 

Harry reached up and carded his fingers through that familiar black hair. How often had he dreamt things like this? How often did he want this? Crave this? He shouldn’t, but he could not stop himself from wanting the other male. Whether it was Voldemort or Tom Riddle…

A hand touched his cock and Harry moaned softly, closing his eyes. Slowly, but with a firm grip Tom started pumping him and Harry gasped and moaned in the kiss. 

The kiss broke and Tom kissed his neck, sucking on his neck. Biting down on his neck marking him. “You’re mine, Harry Potter.” Tom hissed against his neck. “Mine, mine, mine.” Tom kept muttering. 

Harry’s fingers tightened in the black hair as Tom worked his body just like he often did. He could already feel it, his orgasm approaching rapidly. “God, please, yes.” Harry gasped out. Tom moved down and sucked on his right nipple, making Harry arch up, while his hands pushed Tom’s face and mouth against his chest. 

The hand sped up and it didn’t take long, as Harry spilled his seed. 

With a gasp Harry awakened and opened his eyes and he yelped and backed away as he had seen a shadow hovering over him. But just as soon it disappeared. His heart was racing and he could feel the sticky mess in his boxers. Harry had his hand against his chest, as he breathed in and out slowly.

Harry groaned and carded his other hand through his hair. This wasn’t good… After a while Harry felt more relaxed and went up to take a shower, as he turned the taps on and glanced in the mirror he saw a black shadow standing behind him. 

Eyes wide he turned around only to see nothing. His heart which had been calm, started beating louder and louder again, as he stared at the place. Was he truly going insane?

Harry closed his eyes and calmed down his breathing. He moved forward, feeling his body relaxing once more. “Fuck…” Harry groaned out. This could not be happening… maybe they should just lock him up and be done with it. 

Harry stepped into the shower stall and closed his eyes as he felt the water cascade over him. It calmed him a bit. His mind was still a mess, but he could handle it. He would be fine. He was just stressed out, imaging things. That is what he kept telling himself. 

He quickly washed himself and then left the shower. He didn’t see anything and he let out a relived sigh. Naked he walked into the bedroom and gathered some clothes. As he dressed he looked towards the clock on the wall and he realized he needed to make some dinner. 

He didn’t feel all that hungry however, but he knew he needed to force himself to at least eat something. His friends were already worried enough about him. They didn’t need to worry even more. 

So Harry went down and walked into the kitchen, he tensed as he saw a black shadow fade away near the kitchen counter. He let out a few deep breaths and closed his eyes. It was all in his mind… he was fine. There was nothing and no one in this house. He was all by himself. 

Maybe he should ask some medium to check the house for ghosts or anything… Harry thought bitterly. But he didn’t want to admit yet that he was going insane, so he wouldn’t say anything. 

He just grabbed a small sandwich not in the mood to really prepare some dinner. As he put the plate on the table and sat down he tensed as he felt the coldness surrounding him once more. 

He glanced around the room, but he saw nothing. Shaking his head he focused on his sandwich and started eating. He did promise Hermione to write to Kingsley… maybe that would not be such a bad idea after all. 

They could at least put him away if they declared him insane. Harry snorted. It was not ‘if’. Harry was certain they would declare him insane. Hell, even he thought he was going mad. 

As he finally finished the sandwich Harry leaned back and closed his eyes. So much had happened; everyone kept telling him it was normal that he was losing his way right now. No one blamed him… He had been the one who had a connection with Voldemort after all. 

Harry sighed and carded a hand through his hair. A connection that still seemed to haunt him even now.


	3. The Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With everyone around Harry being so busy and barely having time to look after him, Harry falls deeper and deeper. His mind was really playing tricks on him right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the next chapter :).
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!  
> And all mistakes are still my own! 
> 
> I know this chapter is rather short, but I will make it up with the next one!
> 
> Author’s note:  
> For those that follow my other stories, there will be no updates for ‘The Call of a Vampire’ and ‘The Incubus’s Allure’.  
> I am terribly sorry for that, but I just couldn’t find the energy to write anything at all… I hope I will be able to update them soon however. 
> 
> Anyway enjoy and cya next update :).

### Chapter 3: The Darkness

4 days had passed since Hermione and Ron had visited and Harry luckily had not seen anyone anymore. They did send him some letters, explaining they were all busy now. Ron had all his exams soon to become an auror and Hermione seemed to work their way up in the Ministry, for equal rights to everyone and all creatures. 

Harry had even received some letters from Ginny. She was going to try out for the Harpies in a few weeks, so she was busy training. 

All of them were so busy and Harry simply replied to all the letters, making them believe he was still doing fine. 

The truth was with no one to watch over him, he was beginning to fall apart, but he didn’t care anymore. His dreams had increased and the shadow that he often saw still appeared at times. Harry just paid no attention to it anymore. It didn’t seem like it was evil or did anything wrong anyway.

Even though Harry still freaked out when the shadow appeared near him. 

Harry even stopped fighting his sleep; with Ginny gone he could let himself go. He still felt guilty afterwards and doubted it all. He shouldn’t allow those dreams to continue. Yet he didn’t do anything to stop it either. He now often slept in earlier than normal. Just because he wanted Tom to kiss him, to touch him, to fuck him. When had he fallen down to this…? When had he giving in to this addiction…?

Afterwards he always needed to clean the bed, which had had not happened before. When he climaxed in his dreams he had never before climaxed in the bed as well. It felt a bit weird, but still Harry felt rather content and sated afterwards as he came down from his high. 

His orgasm felt different than he had touched himself and brought him to an orgasm. Worse part of it all, he was becoming more and more addicted to it. Tom’s words had hit in hard. He was indeed addicted to the danger and to this exhilarating feeling that what he was doing was wrong. He was missing the dark wizard and he knew he shouldn’t. 

But sex with Ginny was… awful to say the least. Harry had said it wasn’t her and it really wasn’t. It was him. He just couldn’t get aroused, no matter what she did. Sucking his cock, stroking it. Nothing worked, it simply stayed flaccid and Harry was ashamed by it all. 

Even more ashamed now that he realized that Tom Riddle could get him hard. That the handsome male could get him so aroused he even came in his dreams. Even Voldemort managed to get him aroused and he didn’t exactly look handsome anymore. Yet there was an air around the Dark Lord that called Harry in. 

Harry let out a sigh as he lay down and closed his eyes. It was still so early in the evening, but he didn’t care. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to get out, to feel him. Where at first he had felt horrified now he only craved it more. His orgasms were so good, that he wanted more. 

“Back so soon…” A cold voice whispered in his ear. Harry tensed. This was not Tom Riddle… this was Voldemort standing behind him. Voldemort laughed. “Aren’t we the same? Tom Riddle… Voldemort… We are the same person.” 

A lipless mouth sucked on his neck and Harry groaned as he gave Voldemort more access. A pained gasp erupted from his throat as Voldemort bit down, hard. Harry wanted to move forward but two bony arms pulled him back against a rather hard chest and a wall appeared in front of him. 

Almost automatically Harry braced himself against the wall. While Voldemort kept sucking and scraping his teeth over his neck. Harry felt a bit lightheaded. Tom Riddle aroused him, but even Voldemort called out to the very darkness in his soul. 

A human so deformed, but still with so much grace. Voldemort chuckled and one hand moved down, nails raking over Harry’s chest and stomach. Harry arched his back with a quiet moan, his head falling atop Voldemort’s shoulder. _~“I would like to see you bleed.”~_ Voldemort hissed in parseltongue. 

All of a sudden the nails were sharper and Harry’s breath hitched as they left red lines in their wake. Harry opened his eyes and stared down at his chest. At some points blood formed and trailed down, as Voldemort’s hand moved down and started stroking his half-half cock. 

Why did even this arouse him? Harry felt Voldemort’s penis against his lower back and pushed back against it, making Voldemort groan against his neck. “So wanton, so needy.” Voldemort chuckled and the Dark Lord also pushed his hips forward. Harry moaned softly. “What would the wizarding world say about you know, little Hero?” Voldemort muttered, as those lips left kisses on his neck once more. 

“I… I don’t care anymore.” Harry gasped out, making Voldemort chuckle. The hand sped up and Harry started thrusting his hips, wanting nothing more than that orgasm. Even if they declared him insane… he knew it was insane, but he didn’t care anymore. 

“You’re addicted to me.” Voldemort hissed and then a hand grabbed his hair roughly, pulling his head sideways Voldemort captures his lips in a bruising kiss. Harry answered with just as much desperation. 

A slightly forked tongue moved over his lips and Harry opened his mouth to the tongue. Harry moaned in the kiss, while he stared deep into those red slitted eyes. He knew his green eyes were begging, pleading for more. 

Voldemort stopped the kiss and pulled back a bit; two hands gripped Harry’s hips tightly and pulled him back. One finger breached him and pushed in at a hard and fast pace. Two fingers, Harry could feel some lube on it and he was grateful for that. Three fingers and Harry started to push back, all the while moaning. His cock dripping precum on the ground. 

Then the fingers were pulled out and Harry felt a cock moving through his crack. He pushed back with a whine. “Please…” A cold laugh sounded from behind him and Harry realized how desperate he must look right now, reduced to begging. 

Then Voldemort moved forward, the cock moving inside his ass in one swift movement. Harry’s back arched and a loud moan erupted from his throat as Voldemort set a hard pace. The grip on his hips was so tight that Harry knew they would leave bruises. 

“Touch yourself.” Voldemort groaned against his neck. Harry moved one hand down towards his own member and started stroking him, using the precum as lube. Voldemort’s speed increased and Harry’s prostate was hit with most of the hard thrusts. 

A hand moved over his head and the fingers tightened in his black unruly hair. The hand pulled and the other hand landed on his shoulder, pushing him backwards against the thrusts. 

It was so different than Tom. Tom who always gentle, but even then Harry could only moan, as his body was getting closer to his orgasm. “Let go.” Voldemort whispered against his neck. Harry could feel the Dark Lord’s ragged breathing and it was good to know he wasn’t the only one who was so affected by it all. 

With a few more strokes of his hand Harry went over the edge and Voldemort slowed his pace a bit, but Harry could still feel the cock inside him twitching and the Dark Lord groaning as semen filled his ass. “Mine…” Voldemort hissed. 

Harry gasped, as his eyes shot open. His breathing was ragged and he could feel the semen on his stomach. He didn’t bother wearing boxers or anything to bed anymore. He closed his eyes and calmed down his breathing. “Mine…” A voice whispered close to his ear and Harry’s eyes shot open, but he saw nothing. 

He moved away from the bed, as he looked around the room, but there was nothing there.

Desperately he tried to calm down his heart and body. He muttered a cleaning spell. The bedroom was empty, just like always. Yet it felt… darker than before. “Lumos…” Harry whispered, creating some more light, but he still didn’t see anything. 

His mind was really playing tricks on him…


	4. The Psychologist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the next chapter :).
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it ^-^.  
> And all mistakes are my own! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left kudos, comments and so on ^-^!
> 
> Cya next update ^-^.

### Chapter 4: The Psychologist

Ginny was gone for two weeks now and Harry had been giving in way too much to his dreams lately. He was slowly losing control. And the worse part of it all? He wanted it. It gives him something that he hadn’t felt in a while. Freedom and he felt alive because of it all. Something that he had lost since the moment Voldemort’s killing curse rebounded back towards him and killed the Dark Lord. 

The darkness in the house seemed to increase every single day and Harry felt comfort in it. He felt like this was home. Like this was where he belonged. Ginny couldn’t give him this. This obsession. No one could, except Tom Riddle and Harry didn’t want anyone to take it away from him. 

Yet this very moment he would be going to his first meeting with his psychologist. He was so not looking forward to it. Hermione had come by a few days ago and she looked even more worried than before, while Harry felt alright. There was nothing wrong with him. Yet she had said he looked almost haunted. 

Harry had accepted his dreams, he didn’t fight them anymore. Neither Tom Riddle nor Voldemort, he accepted them both. Desired them both. He couldn’t explain this to Hermione however and so it ended like this. He was forced to go to a psychologist.

Hermione, with the help of Kingsley, had sought and found a muggle psychologist. A psychologist who was a squib as well. So Harry could explain everything. He didn’t have to worry about it coming out. These kinds of people had a duty and were under a vow to make sure that they didn’t spill their client’s secrets. So she assured it was safe to spill all his secrets. 

Yet Harry was reluctant, but he still decided to go, since Hermione went through the trouble of getting him an appointment. Which he hated at first, but she simply said that otherwise he would never go and she was right of course.

So now he sat there in the waiting room, waiting till Doctor Andrew Audley was coming to get him so that the doctor could see if he was insane yes or no. This would be a major yes in his eyes. 

“Mr. Potter.” A voice called out and Harry looked up, seeing a male standing there in the doorway. He looked to be around 40; blonde hair which framed a nice face and his eyes seemed to be light blue. Harry got up and the man smiled and extended his hand. “Andrew Audley, nice to meet you, Mr. Potter.” 

Harry silently inclined his head as he accepted the handshake. They walked through some hallways and entered a room which only had a board on the wall, a table in the middle, and some chairs. All the walls were completely white, making Harry feel out of place. “Please sit down.” Audley said, as he pulled back a chair and then walked back to the other side of the table and sat down. 

Harry held back a sigh and sat down, a heavy feeling in his stomach. He clasped his hands together on his lap, as he looked around the room, before his eyes landed once more on Audley who seemed to watch him intensely. Harry tried not to fidget, but he was feeling so restless. “I can see you are feeling uneasy, Mr. Potter. May I call you Harry by the way?” 

“Yes, that is fine…”Harry muttered, ignoring his other statement. Uneasy didn’t even begin to describe what he felt. 

“Alright, Harry. You may me call me Andrew as well if you like.” Andrew scrapped his throat and looked over some papers. “I am aware of the things that happened in the Wizarding World and I can understand if you especially might have some trouble moving on. I will tell you right here and now, I am under a vow. The minister himself made me vow not to tell anyone anything which would be said in this very room. Your secrets will be safe here, so I suggest you tell me everything. So that I can help you completely.” 

It was a lot to take in, but Harry just gave a nod and Andrew frowned a bit. Then he sighed and glanced through some papers. “From what I heard from your friend who made this appointment happen, you have been suffering from nightmares, sleep deprivation, loss of interest in things that you once liked a lot. “ Harry frowned at the last one, not remembering him saying anything like that. “All in all I think you might be suffering from PTSD or simply depression. But I won’t judge anything yet until we have talked some more about it all.” 

Harry frowned once more. “PTSD?” Harry questioned. He remembers hearing the term before, but he never knew what it exactly was. Depression he knew what it was, but he didn’t exactly feel depressed…

“Yes, basically it means ‘Posttraumatic Stress Disorder’. It can happen to anyone who has been through a trauma or some awful experiences. Which is why I suspect it might be what you are suffering from.” Andrew explained in a soft voice. 

Harry nodded. It would kind of make sense. “I see…” 

“We won’t move to any conclusions yet. Can I ask you about your dreams? Your nightmares?” Andrew asked, making Harry tense. 

He knew he had to lie. He could not tell the truth. “Uhm… I...” Harry looked away and sighed. “Voldemort is torturing people, people that I care about. Killing them. Using my known weakness against me.” Harry muttered. 

“That is all?” Andrew asked, making Harry glare up at him. Andrew smiled and raised his hands. “I have been trained, Harry. Your body language just now said that you were lying.” Andrew stated. “I want to help you, but I can only do so much. And if you don’t tell me everything, these sessions will be utterly useless.” 

Harry was a bit shocked. No one had just ever straight out said to him that he had lied. Hermione might have suspected that he had been lying, but she never said anything about it. Not in the way that Andrew had just said it. 

He felt a bit ashamed that he had been caught lying. He looked down. “Sorry…” He muttered. 

“Don’t be. I understand how difficult it is to talk about some things, but you must know Harry that bottling up all your emotions will also break you.” Andrew said softly. “I am here to help you, don’t feel ashamed for trying to hide your real problems. It happens all the time. And I have heard quite a lot from other clients, so I am used to almost anything by now.” 

Harry carefully looked up and nodded. “It is… I kind of am ashamed by my dreams.” Harry muttered softly, watching the other’s reaction, but Andrew didn’t seem to be shocked.

A small smile appeared on his face. “I assume we are not speaking about regular dreams then? But of something more like wet dreams?” Andrew asked. And Harry feeling his face growing red nodded. “Hm. I see. And these dreams disturb you why exactly?” 

Harry shifted and looked away. “I shouldn’t have them. I have a beautiful girlfriend. I…” 

“You’re a male with needs and still young. You can’t exactly fault your mind and body for that, Harry. It is quite normal to have these dreams.” Andrew interrupted him. Harry bit his bottom lip. 

Was he really going to admit this? To a stranger nonetheless. But then he realized that Andrew was under a vow and could not tell anyone. Ashamed Harry looked down at his lap and clenched his hands into fists. “My girlfriend and I didn’t even have sex…” Harry muttered. 

Andrew hummed and Harry looked up when he heard a pen moving over paper. Andrew was taking notes. Then the psychologist looked up at him. “I assume it is because of the stress and your dreams that it doesn’t quite work out with your girlfriend?” Andrew questioned. 

Harry frowned and looked away, staring at the white wall. “Can I ask you something private, Harry?” Harry nodded, not looking at the other. “The dreams they arouse you?” Harry just nodded, feeling his face heat up once more. “I see, can I ask you who the other person in your dreams is?” 

Harry immediately shook his head and snapped out an embarrassed ‘no’. Harry saw Andrew frown at him. 

“Alright.” Andrew said and then the other male moved and put his hands atop of the table. “I want you to think about this then. Maybe even write down everything that bothers you.”

Harry gave a brief nod and Andrew continued. “This person in your dreams. I want you to write down all your likes and dislikes about her. And I want you to do the same with your girlfriend.” Andrew pulled back a bit and regarded him, making Harry feel uneasy again. “I would have suspected your dreams to be different however…” Andrew muttered more in himself and Harry tensed. 

Was this still it… would they lock him away? If he had said who the person in his wet dreams was, he would be surely put away. Freak, insane… How true was that now? Andrew seemed to see his darkening mood. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way, Harry.” Andrew said softly. 

“It is just every case is different. And you are still so young, yet you have lived through this war and seen things a child your age should not have seen. I think your mind may deal with the trauma a bit differently.” Andrew seemed thoughtful. “Like your mind attempts to run away and find some kind of security in your dreams?” 

Harry actually snorted at that, making Andrew’s lips curve upwards. “I guess I was wrong with that one.” 

“You could say that again…” Harry muttered. Harry couldn’t imagine the thought of Voldemort giving him any kind of security at all. Maybe Tom did though, but still it was a weird idea.

Afterwards Harry promised to write down what Andrew had asked of him and he left back towards his home. 

With a sigh he let himself fall back on the couch. He stared at the ceiling. Maybe Andrew could help… even a little bit. His mind felt a bit lighter than before. Andrew had been right about the fact that he was a young male with needs after all… He could not stop those dreams. 

But to actually write down what he liked about Tom Riddle and Voldemort? How could he even like anything about him? Tom Riddle at least was handsome and could be so charming. Voldemort… Harry closed his eyes with a groan. Voldemort just fucked him hard, and it made Harry forget everything else. And in the end they both were awful people, he did awful things.

Why though… In a way he might be running away from everything. Finding some sort of security in his dreams… But what about Ginny? She was nice and so sweet. So light in contrast with Voldemort. And the Tom Riddle from his dreams seemed to be somewhere in between… 

“Fuck this…” Harry muttered. He sat up and grabbed some paper and a pen. He sat down at the table and wrote down on the top. 

‘Ginny:  
Dislikes:  
Likes: 

Voldemort:  
Dislikes:  
Likes:’ 

Harry stopped there and wondered if he should put Tom Riddle on it as well, considering that there was big difference between Voldemort and Tom. 

He decided to write down Tom’s name as well and he stared at the paper in front of him. Even in his mind he knew Voldemort and Tom Riddle were the same, but somehow he seemed to think differently of ‘Tom’ than he did of ‘Voldemort’. He was splitting them apart from each other.

And while he tried to think about his likes and dislikes of all three persons, his mind came up entirely blank. He could only think about how nice Ginny was and in a way he loves her a lot, but when it came to feeling anything sexual between them, Harry just didn’t feel that with her. 

But with both Tom and Voldemort, there was a passion that Ginny couldn’t ignite in him. Could he consider himself gay, because of this? But he never felt anything for any other male? Why then did he feel like this with Tom? Or even Voldemort?

Harry heard the fireplace flare and he picked up the paper, putting it away in his pocket. Hermione, Ron and Ginny stepped out of the fireplace. Harry should have known they would come to check upon him…

“Heey mate.” Ron said, breaking the awkward silence. Ron moved forward and pulled him in a hug, he felt Ron pat his back before pulling back and letting him go. Harry then carefully looked over to the two girls. He inwardly sighed and moved up towards Ginny. 

“Heey Ginny.” He said as he pulled her in a hug, she smiled and hugged him back. “How are you?” He asked her as he pulled back. 

“That should be my question.” She said with a sigh. “But I am fine; still have a busy schedule with training though…” She looked at him thoughtfully. “How about you?” She asked softly. 

“I am fine…” Harry muttered. Hermione placed a hand upon his shoulder and Harry looked towards her. 

“How was the first session?” Hermione asked and Harry glared briefly at her. 

“I think that is private…” Harry responded feeling a bit agitated that she would dare to ask for it. Hermione seemed a bit shocked and then looked guilty. 

“Sorry… I was just hoping it went well. You don’t have to say anything about it.” Hermione said. 

“Harry. We only are worried about you.” Ginny whispered and Harry let out a frustrated groan, pulling away from his girlfriend as he glared at all of them. 

“I fucking know that! But you don’t know what I am dealing with! So please stop worrying about me, like I will break any fucking day.” Harry snapped. Silence filled the room after his words and Harry knew he shouldn’t have acted like that. But he just didn’t want to deal with them now. 

He had wanted to figure out about what it was about Tom Riddle or Voldemort that got him so worked up. “Harry, we will stop asking if you don’t like that, but we just want to let you know that you are not alone.” Hermione said, as she carefully moved up towards him. 

“Mate, you seem like you are back in your fifth year.” Ron said and Harry tensed as he remembered that awful year. That year his dreams had been filled with visions from Voldemort… 

Harry heard Hermione yell ‘Ronald!’ but he had kind of blocked it all out. Ginny looked at him, he could see the worry in her eyes, but it felt so distant all of a sudden… 

“Please leave…” Harry groaned out and then he turned and ran up the stairs. He could hear them call his name, but he ignored it. Shutting the bedroom door with a loud bang he let himself fall face first on the bed. His fingers clenched into the sheets, as he buried his face into said sheets as well. 

Those words had hit in too hard. Dreams... Voldemort. But it could not be? Voldemort was gone… there were no horcruxes left anymore right? They made sure to get every one of them; all 6 of them were destroyed. And besides Voldemort would not send him dreams like this right? 

Harry turned around and faced the ceiling. His eyes empty and dull as he stared up at it. He didn’t hear anything downstairs, indicating that the others had left. Harry blinked his eyes slowly as he relaxed some more. 

He tensed as he saw the shadow from the corner of his eyes, but as he fixed his gaze on it, it seemed to fade away. 

Maybe he should have asked Andrew if seeing shadows was weird… or hearing voices…? Although Harry hadn’t heard the voice anymore, it had still scared him a lot back then. Harry closed his eyes and shook his head. He felt the darkness moving around him, comforting, calling him in deeper and Harry went willingly. 

His need to escape everything urged him forward, finding comfort in his dreams. 

A hand cupped his cheek and soft lips moved against his. Harry didn’t need to open his eyes to know that it was Tom Riddle this time. 

The kiss was gentle and passionate and Harry craved more. He wanted this, no he needed this. Tom pulled back and Harry finally opened his eyes. Darkness surrounded them; he could only see Tom hovering above him. 

A thumb traced gently over his cheek and Harry bit back a sob. Tom smiled, although it looked a bit sad. "Just forget about it all. Give into me and everything will be fine, Harry.” Tom whispered as he once more claimed his lips. 

Harry moved his hands and pulled Tom on top of him completely, his hands landing on Tom’s back. While Tom kissed him and his hands gently held his head. Harry needed to forget and deep down he would have preferred Voldemort this night, at least he fucked him so hard his mind just shut down. 

Tom pulled back. “Am I not good enough anymore?” Tom questioned, looking down on him. Harry frowned. Tom chuckled. “I can be ruthless as well. I can fuck you just as hard as he can. You just have to ask me.” Tom whispered seductively in his ear, making Harry groan at the thought. 

“Yes… please.” Harry muttered. 

Tom licked over his neck and Harry sighed. “Such a good boy…” Then the other male bit down hard. Harry gasped, feeling the shivers running over his body. Pain and pleasure mixed. Tom chuckled. “Andrew cannot help you. No one can and you know that Harry.” Tom pulled back and stared right at him. 

When Tom cupped his cheek gently and whispered those next words, it made Harry doubt everything. “You don’t need them. You only need me and you know this. You only crave me…” Then Tom moved in again, not giving him any time to reply. 

This time Tom’s kiss was not gently and sweet, their lips crashed together and Harry felt his lust rising. This was what he needed and Tom was the only one who could give it to him. Harry was not surprised to find himself naked and he tightened his fingers in Tom’s neat hair. 

The other male pulled back and grasped his wrists in a firm grip, putting them above his head and then he moved his hips, pushing their cocks together, getting some friction. But Harry knew it was not enough. 

“More…” Harry gasped out, as he pushed his hips upwards as well. His arms tense, trying to get free from the hold that Tom had on him. His legs wrapped around Tom’s waist.

A satisfied smirk appeared on Tom’s face and it reminded Harry so much of Voldemort. Tom moved one hand down and one finger traced over his pucker. Harry’s breath hitched and his pupils dilated as he stared right into Tom’s blue eyes. 

“Just give into me, Harry.” Tom whispered, as one finger pushed in, slick with something that Harry couldn’t identify. Harry closed his eyes as the finger started moving in and out. _~“You only need me.”~_ Tom hissed against his neck, as he placed kisses all over his neck. 

Two fingers entered him, but the pace was soft and gentle. Nothing like how Voldemort would prepare him. Harry thrashed his head. He needed to forget, he needed Voldemort, not Tom. “Please…. I need more.” Harry groaned out. 

The third finger entered, but it still wasn’t enough. Tom seemed too noticed as he pulled his fingers out and aligned his own cock. The hands on Harry’s hips tightened. “I will always give you what you want.” Tom whispered and then he leaned down. “You only need to ask for it.” The dark wizard hissed in his ear, making Harry groan. 

Tom pushed in and didn’t give Harry any time to adjust, as he set a fast pace. Exactly like Harry wanted, like he needed, his hands held on to Tom’s back as the other wizard kept thrusting. “Fuck… yes please. Harder.” Harry moaned. His back arched and his chest touched Tom’s chest. 

He could hear Tom chuckle through his ragged breathing. Tom kissed and licked his neck, before biting down hard. Harry gasped out in pain, but it felt still so good. His mind only focused on the pleasure. He could forget everything. 

It all felt so good, too good and Harry moaned loudly when he came, his semen spurting against Tom’s stomach and his own. Tom followed soon after. Harry closed his eyes and held the other who was now lying on top of him. 

Tom kissed his neck slowly. “You only need me.” He repeated once more and with those words Harry awoke. 

As Harry’s awareness return he felt more tired than when he had went to sleep. He let out a deep breath as he felt a sticky mess in his boxers and he knew he needed a shower. But in a way he couldn’t be bothered to stand up at all. 

He muttered a cleaning spell, as he lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Voldemort would never send him these kinds of dreams, it wouldn’t make sense. 

The first months after the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry’s nightmares had been about the people he had seen dying. Or Voldemort torturing and killing people he actually cared for. Those were the kind of dreams Voldemort would send him, exploiting his weakness, but this? 

Harry took another deep breath. He still had no idea why his dreams changed all of a sudden. Another question he should ask Andrew… 

That night Harry decided not to go to sleep. He didn’t want to face either Tom or Voldemort and with a small light next to him he sat reading in his armchair in the living room. He had noticed the black shadow moving sometimes and he tried to ignore it. 

It was almost as if the shadow was restless. Harry frowned and finally looked from his book, as he saw the shadow ‘pace’ through the living room. The emerald eyes blinked. Maybe he should ask for some medium to check the house for ghosts after all…. 

The shadow stopped and Harry could almost swear he could feel his or her eyes upon him, before it disappeared. Harry let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding. 

It kept getting stranger and stranger…

2 days later Harry once more had an appointment with Andrew, he had not really written anything down. Honestly he could think of nothing for Ginny, except that she was nice and sweet. So caring and she simply was a beautiful girl. 

When it came down to Tom and Voldemort however, Harry’s mind just didn’t find anything. Except that thrill of knowing he shouldn’t do this. Knowing he shouldn’t allow those dreams to continue. He had been thinking about it a lot and finally he realized what it could be. He was indeed running… 

Running from everyone and everything. Holding on to a person who was already dead. A person who had been in his life for the last years and had shaped his life. He knew… he knew he needed to talk to Andrew about this. 

So when the psychologist called his name, he smiled a bit and followed him back into the same room as last time. “Hello, Harry.” Andrew said, as he closed the door and gestured towards the chairs. “How are you?” 

“I have been thinking a lot…” Harry said, as he sat down and eyed the other male. Andrew sat down in front of him and with a small nod encouraged him to continue. “Uhm… the dreams at first where different. At first it was indeed Voldemort torturing and killing people close to me. But they changed, like 6 months ago or so.” Harry looked away, unable to admit it otherwise. “The person in my dream is Tom Riddle, a younger and human looking version of Voldemort.” 

“I see…” Andrew muttered, as Harry stayed silent and Harry could hear some movement and saw Andrew leaning back a bit, those eyes scanning over him. “I know that Voldemort had a lot of influence in your life, am I correct?” Andrew questioned. Harry nodded.

“Yes. He killed my parents, making me an orphan. Throughout my years at Hogwarts we crossed paths several times, one way or another.” Harry bit his bottom lip. “I thought back then that he was handsome when he was younger, a kind of charismatic air he had and his good looks were simple ways to lure people in.” Harry admitted. 

Andrew nodded. “Can you tell me about him, Harry?” 

Harry was taken aback by the question and blinked at him. “Tom or Voldemort?” Andrew frowned and cocked his head to the side. 

“Aren’t they the same? You should not split them apart, Harry. Even if their appearance and names are different. They are one and the same person.” Andrew stated. 

Harry stayed silent, as his mind tried to process it. He nodded slowly, but Andrew’s frown only deepened. “Harry. I can say you do not agree with my words. Why?” 

Harry shifted and sighed. “Tom…. is different than Voldemort, nicer. Voldemort is just cruel.” Harry admitted. “They are different…” Harry said softly. 

Andrew sighed. “I do not know the details, but I will ask more information regarding Voldemort. Now back to your dreams, Harry. You just said that the wet dreams are with another male and the one who killed your parents?” 

“Yes... with either Tom or Voldemort.” Harry admitted, feeling his face heating up at his admission. 

“Ah, I see. So I can assume that it is sometimes with this ‘Tom’ and other times it is ‘Voldemort’?” Andrew questioned. 

Harry nodded, fighting down his blush. “There is nothing to be ashamed off, but you said last time that those dreams did arouse you… You know he was your enemy, right?” 

“Yes, I know.” Harry snapped. “And believe me I tried to fight it at first, but with my own sex live being non-existent… I couldn’t fight it forever. I was so frustrated that it didn’t work out with Ginny. And then the dreams changed and I….” Harry groaned and buried his head in his hands. “I… I don’t know anymore…” Harry muttered softly. 

Andrew sighed. “I knew that this would be a different case all together. But believe me when I say we will work this out, Harry. I will help you get over this. And I am glad you were able to tell me the truth, because I believe you have been keeping this all to yourself?” 

Harry dropped his hands and carefully looked up at his psychologist and he nodded. “I… I didn’t dare tell anyone.” 

Andrew gave a brief nod. “Everything you say in this room will stay in this room Harry.” Andrew stated. Harry gave a brief smile at his words and muttered a ‘thanks’. “I think Voldemort had too much influence on you throughout your young life.” Andrew shook his head. “But nothing that cannot be fixed.” Andrew smiled and Harry felt a flutter of hope at those words. 

For the first time in 6 months he felt that he might be finally picking up his own life. He could get back together with Ginny and move on. Leaving Tom Riddle and Voldemort in his past and when that thought crossed his mind, Harry felt a wave of sadness rush through him and he frowned. 

“Are you alright?” Andrew asked when he noticed Harry getting distracted a bit.

“Yes, I am fine…” Harry replied, but it almost felt like an automatic reply. “I will be fine.” Harry admitted then. Andrew nodded. 

“We will work on it. It is a lot to take in I suppose. Do you have anything more you want to say or ask before we end this session, Harry?” 

Harry nodded. “I have… I have been seeing a shadow figure in my house lately and I even swear I could hear someone say something, but I couldn’t quite catch it.” Harry sighed and broke the eye contact. “I live alone right now, you know.” 

“Your girlfriend doesn’t live with you right now?” Andrew questioned. And Harry answered with a shake of his head. “I see. It could be simply still the stress. But it might be a good idea to ask your girlfriend to move back in as well. It would be better for your treatment if you aren’t alone.” Harry sighed and wondered how he should deal with that. 

“Also for the shadow you saw, I could prescribe you something, but honestly I am not so fond of medication. And it might simply be the stress of it all, causing you to see things that aren’t really there.” Andrew frowned briefly. “If it keeps happening though I might consider giving you something for it.” 

“Thank you.” Harry said. Harry wondered if Andrew would think him insane now. But the other male didn’t give any indication to it. So Harry felt relaxed somewhat. “Thank you…” Harry repeated a bit softer this time. 

Andrew smiled and gave a nod. “Anytime, Harry. Let’s plan the next appointment for over a week, that will give you some time to ask your girlfriend to come back and we will see how it goes from there.” 

Harry nodded and said that it was fine. As he went back to his house, he felt somehow better than before. As he entered he felt the coldness around him and he frowned, as it felt suffocating all of a sudden. He moved forward, but with struggling steps he made it to the living room and plopped down on the couch. 

He closed his eyes and gasped for breath. “What the…” He gasped out, as he tried to control his breathing. 

All of a sudden he felt a hand on his throat and his eyes widened. The black shadow was leaning over him and the grip seemed to tighten. Harry threw his hands up, but his hands moved straight through the black mist, as if it wasn’t even there. 

“Stop!!” Harry yelled. A cold laugh echoed through the house and Harry tensed, his struggles stopping. 

“Stop…?” The coldness and the shadow moved closer. Harry could feel a cold breath against his mouth. “You never wanted me to stop before, Harry.” 

That voice… “Voldemort.” Harry gasped, but all of a sudden it felt like lips were on his own and he once more tried to fight off his invisible attacker. He couldn’t stop a moan from escaping his throat, as the black shadow bit his lip. 

“I will make you feel alive… I know exactly what you need, Harry.” Voldemort’s voice whispered. “And you don’t need that psychologist…” Cold breath moved from his face towards his neck and Harry shivered as soft and gentle kisses were placed on it. _~“Remember this, you only need me.”~_ Then teeth bit down on his neck and Harry moaned quietly, his hands gripping into the fabric of the couch.


	5. The Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his visit to the psychologist Harry returns back home, only to find out the shadow could be Voldemort. The shadow seemed to know exactly what Harry wants and needs and Harry can’t help but giving in, even knowing somewhere deep down it is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the next chapter ^-^. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it!  
> And all mistakes are still my own! 
> 
> Thanks everyone for leaving comments, kudos and so on ^-^!!

### Chapter 5: The Ghost

“I will make you feel alive… I know exactly what you need, Harry.” Voldemort’s voice whispered. “And you don’t need that psychologist…” Cold breath moved from his face towards his neck and Harry shivered as soft and gentle kisses were placed on it. _~“Remember this, you only need me.”~_ Then teeth bit down on his neck and Harry moaned quietly, his hands gripping into the fabric of the couch.

Harry’s breathing became ragged, as he could hear Voldemort chuckling against his neck. This couldn’t be real… that was not real. It was impossible. Harry closed his eyes as his heart was beating louder and louder. He still felt that mouth on his neck and after feeling it so often in his dreams, his body started to react to it. 

“You’re not real...” Harry gasped out, as the mouth moved towards his jaw, kissing, sucking and nipping all the way. 

“Doesn’t it feel real, Harry?” Voldemort whispered against his lips, before they were once more captured in a kiss. It felt real, much too real. Harry arched his back, but he couldn’t feel a body lying on top of his. 

A soft chuckle sounded close to his face. “Let’s go to bed, it is much more comfortable than the couch, don’t you think so.” A cold hand was put against his cheek and Harry stared with wide eyes at the shadow. The gesture was so like Tom Riddle… “You know you want to.” Another hand moved over his chest and Harry looked down, but he could see nothing, yet he could definitely feel it. 

A hand cupped his hardening cock through his pants and he let out a small gasp. “Your body wants to at least.” Voldemort laughed and applied a bit more pressure, making Harry thrust his hips upwards, his emerald eyes glazing over in lust. _~”Good. Give in to me, Harry.”~_

Deep down Harry knew something was wrong with all this, but as the coldness pulled back a bit and he felt a hand gently grip his wrist and pull him up from the couch Harry just silently followed the shadow as it lead them to the bedroom. 

The hand on his wrist left and before Harry even realized it, he was pushed backwards and bounced on the bed. He scrambled backwards and saw the shadow disappear in front of his eyes. His eyes widened when he felt arms embrace him from behind. “Relax…” Voldemort whispered in his ear, as a tongue trailed over his earlobe. 

Harry gasped. His body while in shock also aroused by it all. He gritted his teeth, as a tongue moved over his neck, but he still craned his neck, giving more access to the other. 

One of the hands moved down and cupped his awakening cock once more. Harry moved his hands down, wanting to grasp the shadow arm, but his hands went right through it. “Fuck.” Harry moaned quietly, as the hand pushed down on the tip of cock. 

The presence behind him faded and Harry fell backwards on his back. He craned his neck when he felt something close to his crotch and he saw how his pants were opened. Fingers moved up and under his shirt, moving slightly over his stomach. Harry let his head fall back and bit his bottom lip. He should stop this… this wasn’t normal, this was not a dream. Or had he fallen asleep on the couch?

“Let go.” Voldemort said and Harry exhaled, feeling his worries leaving him. Those cold fingers moved over his chest and the thumbs applied some pressure against his nipples. The fingers moved down, but he could feel the nails scraping over his skin. 

Harry let out a quiet moan and arched his body up, giving the shadow room to remove his pants. That movement made Harry open his eyes again, but before he could even react, he felt a mouth on the tip of cock, through the fabric of his briefs. 

His mind stopped thinking once more as the mouth sucked and Harry groaned, his fingers tightening in the sheets beneath him. A hand moved over his balls and Harry opened his legs wider, giving the other more access. 

Voldemort seemed to like it, as he hummed around his cock, the vibrations causing Harry to groan. The thoughts that it was wrong and he should stop it started disappearing. He wanted it, he craved it and he needed it. “Please…” Harry gasped, as he looked up, his pupils dilated in lust. 

Fingers went towards the waistband of his briefs and Harry angled his hips up, making it easier to remove them. A finger then moved down from his balls towards his crack and Harry looked up at the shadow. 

He could not see anything in it, just a black formless mist. The finger teased around his fluttering hole and Harry silently pushed backwards against it. That was the only indication that Voldemort or Tom needed as the finger breached him, gently and slowly.

Harry closed his eyes and his hands gripped onto the back of his knees, as he opened them even wider. A mouth moved over his stomach, placing kisses all over it, sometimes Harry could feel those teeth biting down and he would arch his back with a gasp. 

A second finger entered and Harry forced himself to relax against the intrusion. But as they craned and hit his prostate he let out a strangled moan. The mouth on his chest chuckled and it moved towards his left nipple sucking on it. The fingers pushed in and out, every time hitting his prostate, making his body almost a writing mess. 

“Fuck… more please.” Harry moaned. Voldemort obliged and bit down on his nipple. “Fuck!” Harry screamed, as he could feel his cock twitching. 

A third finger moved in and Harry wondered why they felt kind of slick and cold… But it still felt so good. It was as if Voldemort knew his every weak spot and it didn’t take long as another cold hand wrapped around his leaking member and started pumping it. 

Harry was ashamed that he came after a few strokes, his whole body going tense as his cock spurted out his seed. The mouth on his chest chuckled and the three fingers kept moving in and out of his ass. 

His body felt oversensitive and yet Voldemort didn’t stop, not even when Harry attempted to move away. It felt too sensitive and he let out a deep groan as a cold hand pushed against his shoulder and forced him back. 

Harry panted and moaned, as his cock seemed to awakening slightly again from all the stimulations. “Fuck…” Harry gasped. Sweat was covering his whole body and the fingers were pulled out, and Harry’s eyes widened as the shadow leaned over him. 

“Fuck indeed.” Voldemort whispered against his mouth. “And we both know you want this.” Despite not seeing the other Harry could imagine the pleased grin that was on either Tom’s face or Voldemort’s. He flinched slightly when he felt the tip of a penis against his stretched hole. 

Hands gripped his hips and slowly Voldemort pushed in, making Harry close his eyes and he angled his hips up. Harry kept gasping, but then lips were on his own again and Harry kissed back. 

Voldemort soon had a rhythm just like always, leaving Harry moaning and gasping beneath him. Lips sucked on his neck and teeth bit down. Harry kept his fingers clenched into the sheets and his eyes closed. He didn’t want to see nothing above him. He knew he would see nothing, even though he desperately wanted to see Tom above him.

Voldemort grabbed one hand and moved it between them towards his own member and Harry slowly started stroking it in time with the shadow’s thrusts. “God… yes.” Harry moaned as he felt his body going towards his second orgasm. 

A chuckle sounded close by his neck and Voldemort increased the speed. Even in his completely lust and pleasure filled state Harry could hear Voldemort hissing against his neck. One word repeated again and again. _‘Mine’._

The possessiveness in Voldemort’s voice and actions left Harry breathless and he felt warmth surging through his body that had not been there before. In that moment he felt alive again and he desperately wanted to hold on to that moment. 

But it couldn’t last forever and he let out a broken moan, which sounded almost like a sob as he came. Voldemort’s fingers tightened on his hips and after a few more thrusts Harry could feel something cold being spilled inside him and he let out a gasp. 

Carefully he opened his eyes, seeing nothing, not even a shadow, but he could still feel the breath against his neck. Reality seemed to hit in hard, he could still feel the invisible body atop of his own and he tensed. Voldemort must have felt it as he pulled back and when Harry couldn’t feel anyone near him anymore he scrambled backwards until his back hit the headboard, wide emerald eyes looked around the room. 

The only proof that something had indeed happened was the sticky feeling on his chest and the strange feeling in his ass. He tried to take deep breaths, but he couldn’t get any air in his lungs and a laugh sounded through the empty room. 

Harry immediately stood up and ran out of the room, locking himself in the bathroom. Closing his eyes he leaned down, trying to get his breathing under control, but he couldn’t stop it. He was aware that he was hyperventilating and he let himself fall backwards against the wall. His breathing coming out in quick pants and gasps. Closing his eyes he attempted to calm down. 

A hand touched his cheek gently and lips pressed against his own, making Harry open his eyes wide in shock once more, but he felt the breath being forced inside his body through the kiss. When those lips pulled back a laugh once more echoed through the room. “Breathe Harry. Relax; you only got what you wanted.” A hand moved over his stomach where the evidence lay of what had happened. 

Harry’s mind was still in shock, but he forced out the words he wanted to ask. “How…?” Harry trembled as he looked down, staring at the place where he clearly felt a hand moving over his chest, but he saw nothing. “You’re not real…” Harry gasped out; backing further into the wall and the ghost seemed to pull back. 

“You wanted me to be real… you wanted me, so I came to you, Harry.” Voldemort’s voice whispered and then the presence seemed to leave the bathroom.

Harry sat there, all alone, not knowing how much time passed. His mind was empty, while his eyes stared at the white tiles in front of him. He didn’t see anything or anyone. He wanted Tom Riddle… how true that was, how wrong that was. He had been hiding his feelings so deep inside himself, yet it seemed like his mind had finally snapped. 

He could see that awful moment again, those red eyes glaring at him, yet they seemed so fearful. Death… Voldemort had known he was going to die that day. The moment Voldemort used the killing curse out of his pure anger and it backfired he had known. 

Harry had pitied him, in a way he wanted to see a different ending. He had wanted to see some good inside Tom, even if that wasn’t there. He had wanted to give Tom a second chance, the only person ins his life that was always there. And Harry cursed the day he met the diary and he saw those memories of the younger Voldemort. He cursed the day he developed feelings for the other. 

Harry knew one thing for sure the fear that Voldemort had felt in those last moments had been real and it had made Harry realize that he had killed Tom Riddle. He knew the spell would backfire after all. So when he cast the disarming spell it was over and they both knew it. Harry was the true master of the Elder wand and because of that it all ended. 

As he was still sitting there, staring at the wall he had only managed to mutter a cleaning spell, but he couldn’t find the strength to get up at all and that is how Hermione and Ron found him, sitting against the wall, half naked. Dull green eyes staring straight ahead, not even acknowledging their presence.  
“Oh god, Harry!” Hermione screamed as she moved down in front of him, ignoring the state of undress and Ron also crouched down next to her. “Harry! She screamed, but she didn’t get a reaction. 

“Mate…” Ron said softly, as he reached out a hand and attempted to touch Harry’s shoulder. Magic blasted through the room. Hermione and Ron were blasted backwards towards the other wall and they couldn’t move as the magic rippled through the air. 

“Harry!” Hermione screamed, but the male was unresponsive. Until after a few seconds Harry seemed to tense and the emerald eyes blinked and looked up. Shock in his eyes as he looked towards the doorway. Hermione and Ron were confused as they tried to free themselves from Harry’s magic bindings and finally Harry’s focus snapped and they were freed. 

But Harry started screaming, making the other two tense. “Stay away! You’re not real! You are dead!” Harry started screaming, backing away from the doorway. Hermione and Ron didn’t see anything and Hermione cast a stunner towards her friends, his body slumping down, relaxing. 

They took Harry to St. Mungo after informing Kingsley and the whole Weasley family. Kingsley had also informed Andrew Audley, Harry’s psychologist. 

They all were in the room where Harry stunned body was lying on the bed. They had dressed him, but they could still see the horror in those emerald eyes as they gazed towards the ceiling. Andrew moved forward and sat down next to Harry. “Awake him please.” Andrew said and Kingsley removed the stunner. Harry blinked his eyes, staring at a ceiling which he didn’t recognize.

“Harry, can you hear me?” A voice to his left called out and Harry slowly looked towards the source, immediately recognizing Andrew. He gave a brief nod and Andrew frowned, his blue eyes looked troubled. “How are you feeling?” 

Harry opened his mouth, but saw all the people standing in the room and closed his mouth. “Fine…” He muttered eventually. Andrew shook his head and looked over to the other people in the room. 

“Can you all please leave?” The psychologist asked politely. “If I need something I will call out.” He assured towards Kingsley. 

Reluctantly they all left the room and Andrew faced the younger wizard once more. “How are you feeling, Harry?” He asked once more. 

Harry closed his eyes as he remembered what had happened. He took a deep breath, shuddering a little. “Awful… the shadow it… It isn’t real right?” Harry had his eyes closed and didn’t see Andrew’s confused expression. 

“I suspect it is not. It is a figment of your imagination. Did something happen regarding the shadow?” Andrew asked softly. 

Harry’s fingers clenched into the sheets and he shook his head. “I heard you were found in a rather ashamed position…” Andrew saw how Harry’s body tensed at his words and knew he had found a weak spot. “If you will not tell me what happened I can only guess.” 

Harry didn’t reply and when it seemed like the boy was just staring in front of him, Andrew left the room with a sigh. Not knowing what went through Harry’s mind at that point. 

It had not been real? It had felt so real… Harry could still imagine those hands touching him and how he had wanted it all. His emerald eyes widened as he saw the black shadow appearing near the end of his bed. Harry sat there frozen as the shadow moved and Harry followed its movements.

It stopped next to him and Harry stared up at the black mist. “A figment of your imagination, huh…” Tom’s voice sounded through the empty room. “How interesting…” 

Harry gritted his teeth, as the shadow moved and a hand seemed to cup his face. A hand that felt so real. “You know who I am. You know what you want, Harry. I can give you everything that you want.” Those words that Harry knew he should ignore, those poisonous words. Beautiful promises. 

“You’re dead…” Harry muttered. “You cannot be real.” 

Tom chuckled. “It feels real, doesn’t it?” The black figure moved forward and Harry felt a small kiss being placed on his forehead. He closed his eyes and sighed. “It doesn’t matter if it is only in your mind… If it feels real just use it. None of them can make you feel like this. You know you need me, Harry.” 

Harry wanted to deny it, he wanted so desperately that those words were not true. But deep down he knew it was the harsh truth. Tom Riddle, Voldemort, he was the only one who could give him what he wanted. Harry opened his eyes. “They would think me insane…” Harry muttered. 

A cold laugh sounded through the room. “They already think you are, Harry. You should just accept it.” Another hand cupped his other cheek and Harry could feel something against his forehead, another forehead? “You will never be free… You are mine. And mine alone. And just like that I am yours.” Voldemort chuckled. “Remember, I will haunt you forever.” 

Harry saw the door open and blinked a few times as his friends entered together with Andrew and Kingsley. He could still feel the hands on his cheeks and the forehead against his own. Yet it didn’t seem like anyone else saw the black shadow. “Harry…” Andrew whispered softly, as he stepped closer and Voldemort’s presence seemed to fade away. 

“I have been talking with your friends and I think it might be a good idea to go back to where it all started and ended, to give you some closure.” Andrew stated. 

His mind still reeling Harry whispered. “Hogwarts..?” 

He had not been back since the battle of Hogwarts had taken place. Since they had destroyed the diadem and since Voldemort had fallen. How could he ever face everything? He had no desire to set foot inside the castle or to go near it. 

“Yes. Your friends will be there to help you. And since it is still summer vacation there will be no students. We will arrange a day so that you can go there.” Andrew said. 

“No.” Harry replied. “No, I do not want to go back there. I have no reason to go back there.” A cold hand was placed on his shoulder and Harry tensed for one second. 

“Go back there. You have to play along with them.” Tom’s voice whispered close to his ear. 

“Harry?” Andrew called out his name and Harry looked up towards the psychologist. “I would advise you to face the past, so that you can truly move on. I understand how difficult it must be. But you must realize that Tom Riddle is gone.” 

Harry felt the grip on his shoulder tighten, before it faded away. Warily he gave a nod. Tom’s words still sounded through his mind. “Play along and they will let you go free. They will stop watching you. You could spend whatever time you have with me.” Promises… Yet Harry felt the warmth surge through him, his desires. Why would he deny himself this? He already thought he was insane. Facing the past would certainly not fix it. He knew Tom would never leave him. Tom would haunt him forever and Harry wanted it. 

“Alright…” Harry whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will reveal what exactly happened in the final battle. And that it went a bit different from the book.


	6. The Secret that was buried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to Hogwarts and Harry remembers the final battle that took place there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the next chapter ^-^  
> Hope you all enjoy!  
> And all mistakes are still my own! 
> 
>  
> 
> Author’s notes:  
> Currently very busy so once more there will be no update on the Call of a Vampire(still rewriting the last few chapters) and also ‘An Incubus’s Allure’ will get no updates this week. Sorry for this all!  
> Reall life is crazy right now and this story was already written at least till chapter 8(which is half finished) So next week might be the last update for this story as well, since I will be rather busy the coming weeks(moving out.)  
> Again I am sorry! But don’t worry, all of my stories will one day be finished, no matter how long it will take!!

### Chapter 6: The Secret that was buried

It was 2 days later when Harry was released from the care of St. Mungo that they went to Hogwarts. In just one week was his birthday as well and Harry hadn’t really thought about it. He had so much on his mind. In truth he just wanted to go home. To feel Tom near him, even knowing that it was wrong and insane. 

None of them would ever understand it. None of them would ever be able to understand the connection between Tom and him. Their likeness, yet the difference between them. Harry walked over to the castle in the distance, his eyes dull and empty. 

The lake and the forest were on his sides as they silently walked towards the place where the war had ended. Ginny, Hermione and Ron walked closely behind him. While Kingsley and Andrew walked after them. All of them silent 

Harry stopped at the entrance as if he was walking to his own demise, that was what it felt like. His eyes trailed over towards the shack, the shack where Snape’s body had been found. Nagini had attacked and killed the potions master. Harry could not feel anything for it. 

In a way he wished he had been the one to deal the final blow to Snape. The traitor that had killed Albus Dumbledore. Harry shivered at the anger and hatred that coursed through his veins at that memory. 

Harry knew that Voldemort had ordered Snape, one of his most loyal, to be killed simply for being the master of the Elder wand. A death fitting for a traitor, for a murderer… Harry looked away from the shack, unable to stop glaring at it. He walked towards the entrance and saw professor, no Headmistress McGonagall standing there. 

“Hello, Mr. Potter.” She said with a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “You can look around everywhere; the castle is empty right now, except for the ghosts and the portraits of course.”

Harry just nodded and didn’t even say anything as he walked past her into the castle. He immediately walked into the Great Hall, his eyes looking up at the enchanted ceiling. How long ago was it, since he stared up at it with childlike awe? Nowadays magic was a part of his life, but when he was thrown into the Wizarding World at the age of eleven it had been so spectacular. 

Almost like a dream that couldn’t be real… And of course it wasn’t. A shadow always hung over it. Every year at Hogwarts was another trial and Harry always wondered if he would one day die or miraculously survive. Yet here he was… he had survived them all. Silently he walked to the middle of the empty hall. The benches and the tables were at the sides, unused now. 

In his mind he could see all the dead bodies lying scattered through the hall, while some healers and Madam Pomfrey attempted to heal and save some of them. His eyes fixed on the place where he remembered Tonks and Remus lying. So close to each other… Yet so far away. Their young born son Teddy would life his life as an orphan, parents dead just like Harry.

The war had ripped apart everyone one way or another. Everyone had expected Harry to be glad, but he never truly was. 

Harry was unaware of the tears that streamed over his cheeks as he thought about it all. “Harry…” Hermione’s voice broke through his thoughts, but she didn’t say anything more. When he briefly glanced at them he noticed that Andrew had stopped her and just pulled his hand off her shoulder. 

He turned around, not wanting them to see his tears. He looked up towards the place where Voldemort had fought him, for the last time. Where Harry had taunted him for not being the true master of the Elder Wand, because Snape had not been its master. 

Draco Malfoy had been its master and Harry became his master the moment he acquired Malfoy’s wand. Voldemort in his rage and fear of losing all his horcruxes had cast the killing curse. Fear… Harry had not imagined it. In that last second Tom had been scared. He knew he was going to die and at least attempted to take Harry with him. 

But with a simply expelliarmus from Harry the killing curse rebounded, not even hitting him. Harry had once more survived as the snake like Dark Lord fell. In his mind he could hear everyone around him shouting, cheering. But Harry remembered the empty feeling settling inside him. A coldness… 

No matter what everyone would say Harry had killed Tom Riddle. He had known that the killing curse would rebound. He had known and killed Tom the moment he attacked back. What would have happened had he let the curse hit him? He would have died. Maybe that was exactly what he wanted… To die together with Tom, to end it all, together.

Harry’s eyes widened as the black shadow appeared right at the spot where Voldemort had died. “Guilt…” Tom’s voice whispered. “Why would you feel guilty for killing every piece of my soul? You knew the moment I died that you had no reason to live anymore. That is why you feel quilt now. And it is destroying you from the inside out.” 

Harry forgot he wasn’t alone anymore and responded to the ghost. “I knew… I always knew.” He muttered softly. He could feel the tension in the Great Hall. “You hunted me down… the danger, it felt exhilarating. Nowadays I only feel emptiness.” 

He could hear some shocked gasps behind him but it felt so far away. The shadow glided closer and Harry took a step backwards as it stopped in front of him. “You want me to return, yes?” Tom whispered as a hand gently touched his cheek. 

Harry nodded. “Yes.” He whispered. He closed his eyes, as more tears streamed from his face. “I am sorry… so sorry for killing you. But you didn’t give me any other choice.” Harry gasped out. “You would have killed everyone…” Harry screamed as he backed away. 

“Yes, I would have. But not anymore… Believe me.” Tom whispered and Harry warily looked up. “I only care about you right now.” The shadow moved closer and embraced him; Harry let him as he started crying and gasping. 

The cold that embraced seemed to warm him up from the inside. After a while Harry was relaxed once more. “I don’t care if you are not real… I don’t care. Just please, hold me.” Harry muttered. 

The others were silent as they watched it all. Andrew frowned as he saw Harry leaning against nothing. Yet it seemed like Harry truly believed someone to be there. Hallucinations…? 

Andrew moved forward and put a hand atop Harry’s shoulder. His eyes widening when he felt the coldness surrounding Harry. 

Harry tensed and his eyes shot open when he realized he had not been alone. He shrugged the hand off and walked straight through the black mist, shivering when he felt the cold move through him. “Harry.” Andrew called out. 

“Stop… I don’t want to hear it.” Harry took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder towards them, his emerald eyes narrowed. “Call me insane and see if I care! You do not understand, none of you do!” Harry screamed. 

“Harry, we only want to help you, but in a way you have been shutting us out for one freaking year.” Ron yelled back. 

“Ron!” Ginny screamed. 

“No, it is about damn time that he is going to live in the present, not in the fucking past, Gin.” Ron yelled at her. Then the redhead moved forward and grabbed Harry’s shirt, making Harry glare at him. “You better wake up! You-Know-Who is gone. Yes, you killed him, but he killed thousands of other innocent people. And you freaking end up feeling guilty for killing him!?” 

Harry shoved Ron away from him. “Shut up!” He screamed, feeling the anger rushing through him. “You don’t understand. You never did... And at the end of the line you always fucking left me alone.” Harry screamed. “When I needed someone only Hermione stayed and even her loyalty wavered at times. She would have rather went with you than stayed with me, you bastard!” 

“Ron, Harry stop it!” Hermione yelled as she moved forward. Ginny also ran after the other female.

For one second Ginny tensed as she believed she saw a shadow moving behind Harry. “Harry!” She screamed. Voice filled with fear and shock, gaining everyone’s attention. Even Harry’s eyes snapped up towards her. She stepped backwards. 

“Ginny?” Ron asked, confused by his sister’s reaction. Ginny shook her head, eyes wide and full of disbelief. 

“I… I saw a black shadow behind Harry.” She muttered softly. And everyone looked towards the green-eyed male. Harry frowned and turned to look over his shoulder. 

Harry could see him as well and he could hear his chuckle. “Foolish little girl...” Tom whispered. “Seeing things like that.” 

Harry turned around completely and faced the shadow once more. The one thing that had been constant in his entire life… No matter what, Harry could always count on Tom or Voldemort to mess up the end of his school-year one way or another. 

Whereas Ron had often left him and Hermione had always wanted to follow the redhead instead. Ginny… She would choose him, but maybe they were just not meant to be. He loved her, in a way. But it was nothing like what he felt with Tom lately. Sweet nice and gentle Tom that had so often held in his dreams. Voldemort who fucked him and made him believe every damn word that was hissed out of that lipless mouth. 

Harry knew he only wanted and craved Tom Riddle. Tom had been constant; Tom had hunted him down and even now haunted his every thought. “Tom…” Harry whispered and everyone froze at that word. 

A finger trailed over his cheek, so cold and so slowly. “Yes, Harry.” 

Harry smiled and whispered so soft that no one else could hear him. “You’re right…” Harry extended his hand and when he touched the black shadow he felt the coldness when his hand went through him. 

“Mr. Potter.” A voice called out and reluctantly Harry turned around, seeing that everyone stood frozen and rather pale. 

“Yes?” Harry asked at the headmistress who had called out his name. She blinked a few times and then shook her head. 

“I am sorry…” She muttered. A slight frown on her face as she eyed him with worry and concern in her eyes. “I wish I could have helped you back then. Let me and everyone else help you right now.” 

“Accept it.” Tom’s voice sounded behind him.

“Alright…” Harry muttered, making everyone smile at him and his lips turned upwards as well.

Tom chuckled. “Fools they are…” Harry’s smile increased as he felt fingers move from his shoulder over his chest and a body behind him. He stayed still, knowing better to raise any suspicions. 

They left Hogwarts soon after. There was no reason to stay here as Harry seemed to be breaking down even more and Andrew had warned them all to keep their eyes on him. Ginny was reluctant to move back in with Harry, as he was seeing things that weren’t there. But she was even more scared of the shadow she had seen. 

If it was the same shadow that Harry had seen and Harry had called it Tom, then it was sure to be problematic. So later that evening Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny sat at the dining table in the Potter Manor. Where Harry and Ginny had been living lately, well lately Harry had been living there by himself.

Hermione sighed. “If only Voldemort had not destroyed Albus’s portrait, I am certain that the headmaster would have some answers to this all. Maybe the headmaster even knew for sure if Voldemort did create a seventh horcrux.” 

“Yeah, indeed.” Ron muttered with his mouth full. Harry frowned and focused on his plate, but he didn’t feel hungry at all. The thought of Ginny staying here once more didn’t appeal to him either. He wanted her out, to be alone with Tom. 

Harry saw the shadow from the corner of his eyes. Tom was leaning against the kitchen wall. When had he fallen? Throughout everything that had happened in his dreams, his desires and lust for the other male didn’t seem healthy. An obsession was more like it. 

Yet it fitted the relationship between them perfectly… Tom had been obsessed with him too. Harry’s lips turned upwards as he could feel the amusement run through him, unaware that it was not his own feelings at all. 

“What is so funny, Harry?” Ginny asked warily as she had noticed his grin. 

“Hm?” Harry looked up at her and smiled. “Nothing. I was just kind of thinking that it is insane right? You see Tom was really obsessed with me throughout his life and now I am obsessed with him.” Harry just started eating then, ignoring the stares the others had. 

As they all looked worried towards each other. Harry just hummed a soft tune as he finished his plate and brought it to the sink. “I will be in the shower.” He didn’t even wait for an answer, nor did he notice the tension in the room. His focus was solely on the black shadow. 

As he undressed and he turned around and was not surprised when he saw the shadow standing there. Tom moved closer and Harry backed away into the shower stall. Tom seemed to turn the shower on and Harry let out a scream as the cold water hit him. Tom simply chuckled at him and then lips moved against his own, making Harry forget the slowly warming water cascading down his body. 

He only needed Tom. He didn’t need anyone else.

 

That evening Ginny slept next to him again making Harry feel rather tense. “Harry…” She whispered softly. 

“I am fine, just go to sleep, Ginny.” He whispered back and she sighed, moving closer she embraced him. But it simply didn’t feel right. He missed something. With a sigh he put his arms around her, holding her close. “I am sorry…” He muttered. 

Ginny shook her head. “You will be fine… we will take care of you. Tom cannot hurt you anymore Harry. You have to let him go.” 

Emerald eyes looked towards the corner of the room, even in the darkness of the room he saw Tom standing there. The black shadow unmoving, but he could definitely feel anger rush through it. Harry grinned. “Don’t worry Ginny. Everything will be fine.” 

Ginny sighed against his chest and slowly fell asleep, never seeing those green eyes still looking towards the corner. She never saw the black shadow moving closer and a hand-like mist trace over Harry’s forehead and scar.

Harry sighed and closed his eyes, feeling his worries fading away. He would never let Tom go and neither would Tom ever let him go. And as Harry also fell asleep he never heard Tom’s cold laugh and words. “Such secrets that are buried forever, my last horcrux.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is what gave me the idea for this fanfic. I honestly don’t know if it has been done before.  
> But I was thinking, what if…. What if Harry and the others reached Severus too late. There would be no one else who knew and could relay the information to Harry about him being a horcrux. So this idea was kind of born with those thoughts :).  
> Anyway cya next update ^-^!


	7. The Last Horcrux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Voldemort’s thoughts of this past year are revealed. And Harry slowly but surely falls more into his grasps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the next chapter :). 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!  
> And all mistakes are still my own! There might be some more mistakes in it. I didn’t have much time to actually read through it thoroughly. 
> 
> Anyway, chapter 8 is still not finished. I didn’t have the time to write at all this past week. So I hope I might be able to finish it before next week, so I can at least update it. 
> 
> Once again since I was way too busy, there will be no updates on my other stories! So sorry for those who also follow those. 
> 
> Thanks for all the nice comments, kudos and so on ^-^! I really appreciate them ^-^!
> 
> Cya next update ^-^!

### Chapter 7: The Last Horcrux

Death… the end of a life. He had gone beyond immortality, believing that death could not touch him. He had thought himself to be invincible. The Elder Wand was his and his horcruxes were out there, making sure that he would never truly die. 

He thought back then that he had everything in the palm of his hands. He made sure that Albus Dumbledore would be forever gone, destroying that awful portrait and all the other portraits of the previous headmasters. Severus had seemed shocked by it; even though the other had tried to hide it Voldemort had seen it. Portraits could keep secrets, tell them. And he knew that most likely the portraits knew more of Albus’s plans. 

After all that he made sure that he was the true master of the Elder wand, killing Severus Snape, and he would find the other Deadly Hallows. He would be the strongest wizard alive and he would be forever alive. Ruling over Britain, the magical and the muggle parts. 

Why then…? Why had he missed that crucial part? How had Albus found out about his horcruxes? The only one who could suspect something was Horace Slughorn and Voldemort knew he should have killed the potion’s professor when he had the chance. Horace must have spilled his secrets somehow. He knew that his old professor had returned to Hogwarts sometime during Harry’s sixth year there. It had been a flaw to let him live. 

He just never suspected that Albus would find all the horcruxes. Or that Harry would end up finding the others when the headmaster was gone. All of them gone… 

All of it was over. His soul was ripped apart from his body once more when the killing curse rebounded and Voldemort hated it, knowing that it was over. For the first time he was truly scared. He knew Nagini was gone as well. Were all of his horcruxes gone? That was truly the last thought that went through him when he saw the green light coming towards him. 

He had seen the pity in those emerald eyes; he had seen it and hated it. Harry had pitied him, so in his anger he wanted to take the other down with him. Forgetting that just some moments ago Harry had told him about being the true master of the Elder wand. 

So when Harry cast a simple disarming spell the killing curse rebounded and the green curse flashed right through his eyes. Death… 

Nothing to anchor him to this world, where would he end? Stuck between life and death for all eternity… He didn’t want that, he feared it. He hated his fear. He hated Harry Potter, hated Albus Dumbledore for doing this to him.

His broken down soul was freed from his body and Voldemort believed he would end up in the limbo. Imagine his surprise when his soul was still tethered to this world. A ghost, black shadow nothing more. 

He believed all his horcruxes to be destroyed. This should be impossible. He had wanted to create one more after Nagini, but with his soul as unstable as it was he had not. He was certain there was nothing holding him in this world. 

Yet here he was stuck… He tried to find any indication on what his last horcrux was. Something that anchored him to this world.

He was utterly shocked when he found out that his last horcrux was the one who had destroyed him. Harry James Potter, a living horcrux. But when Voldemort focused on that scar on the boy’s forehead he could clearly feel it. 

He was furious beyond belief and Harry suffered immensely throughout those days or more like nights. He made sure to make Harry suffer. Every sleeping moment he made the boy relive all those moments that he feared the most. 

Death, torture of his friends. Even the death of his own parents. Harry began to break down bit by bit. But it was not enough. Voldemort knew if he wanted to return that he needed to make sure that Harry stayed with him. Harry would never fight him, or go against him. Harry was the one keeping him alive.

Inside the boy’s memories he could see that Harry had looked up towards him. Harry had believed Tom Riddle to be handsome and Voldemort delved deeper and deeper, feelings that were buried deep within the boy came forth. 

Feelings that Harry would have never admitted to any living soul. He had a crush on Tom Riddle. That moment Voldemort changed his tactics, using his past self as a way to break the boy. But also to make sure that Harry would rely on him. 

At first Harry was horrified when the dreams had changed, especially since his sex life was non-existent with his girlfriend. Voldemort enjoyed every moment of despair and grief that went through the boy. But the feelings of utter betrayal against himself and also his girlfriend felt even more satisfying. 

How beautiful it was to feel the boy giving in to his dreams and desires. The way that Harry craved him, whether he looked like Tom Riddle or not. Harry wanted everything he could give him and Voldemort handed it to him. 

So beautifully broken the boy would end up. His last horcrux. The one thing that kept him here. Even though he could not possess the boy, this was also working in his advantage. Driving the boy insane would eventually end up making Harry fall towards his grasps. Harry would make sure he would once more get another body.

Harry would help him; Voldemort would make sure of that. Harry was his and soon that pretty little redhead would be dead.

He traced his finger over the scar, making Harry sigh and smile softly. Dreams filled with pleasure haunted the boy’s night. Even the girl lying next to him could not stop Voldemort from getting what he wanted. 

He wanted a new body and he wanted Harry Potter and he always got what he wanted.

Harry woke with a quiet moan and he immediately tensed when he felt Ginny lying next to him. Muttering a cleaning spell he cleaned up the mess in his briefs and he let out a deep breath. Reluctantly he stood up and left the bedroom, his eyes widening when he saw Ron sleeping on the couch and Hermione sitting in the armchair, also asleep. 

He had believed they had left. They certainly said their goodbyes. “They do not want you to be alone with Ginny.” Tom’s voice whispered behind him. “They don’t trust you anymore. They truly think you have gone insane.” 

Harry bit back a choked laugh, but a small grin appeared on his face. He looked over his shoulder towards the other. “You would know about being insane, wouldn’t you?” Harry whispered as he moved towards the kitchen. A soft chuckle followed him. Harry seemed thoughtful for one second as he eyed the black shadow. “Is that what you want? For me to become insane?” Harry muttered when he was sure that no one could hear them. 

“Aren’t you already? Do you even know what is real and what is not?” Tom questioned softly. Tom stopped in front of him and despite that Harry could only see a vague black mist he could clearly feel the breath on his lips. 

“You’re real…” Harry whispered, somehow deep down knowing the truth of that statement. A hand gripped his chin tightly, but still gently. “I don’t understand how… we never found a seventh horcrux… But I feel like you are real…” Harry muttered. 

Tom hummed. “Of course not. My seventh horcrux is the one which is best hidden. No one will ever find it.” 

“So it is true.” Harry said. In a way he didn’t know how he should feel with this revelation. He should be scared. This was awful after all. And he should tell them all, to search for this last horcrux. But even then when he felt those lips kiss him Harry couldn’t keep that thought. 

No one had to know right? This was his dirty little secret. Tom pushed him backwards against the wall and Harry let out a gasp, a tongue plunged into his mouth and Harry answered with just as much desperation. Their tongues battling and Harry desired to run his hands through Tom’s hair, to pull the other closer, but he knew his hands would go right through the other. 

The kiss became gentler. “I want you as much as you want me Harry.” Tom whispered against his lips. “Believe me. I would never hurt you or anyone you care for.” 

Harry bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes. “It is impossible… I cannot bring you back.”

“Why not?” Tom asked softly. A hand cupped his cheek, wiping away the stray tears that run over his cheeks and Harry let out a shuddering breath. 

“They can’t know… they don’t know. Which fool falls in love with his enemy after all?” Harry almost yelled and a hand was placed atop his mouth. 

“Shh… you do not want to wake the others right now, Harry.” Tom whispered. Harry shivered when he felt kisses being placed on his neck. “They don’t have to know. They would never have to know. You could bring me back. I would show you how. You know you want to. Why ignore your own feelings?” Tom muttered against the neck. 

“If you come back they would hunt you down…” Harry said. His voice muffled because of the hand atop of his mouth. 

“No…” Tom replied. “We will leave Britain. Just the two of us, Harry. Like I said no one needs to know.” The hand was removed and Tom gently kissed him. “Think about it.” 

Harry felt the presence fade away and knew that Tom had left. Feeling rather empty he walked towards the dining table and plopped down in one of the chairs. His eyes were fixed on the kitchen counter, but he didn’t really see it. In truth he didn’t see anything.

It was real… Tom was real. Harry’s guilt for killing him didn’t fade away, but it lessened nonetheless. There was still a horcrux out there… Harry let out a soft groan as he buried his head into his hands. His crush on Tom Riddle was becoming his downfall. He had never admitted it to anyone and here Tom was, using it against him. 

Deep down Harry knew that was exactly what was happening. The worse part of it all. Harry had no desire whatsoever to stop it. This obsession was clearly mutual and it should scare Harry. The things that Tom and Voldemort had said in his dreams should scare him. 

But it didn’t anymore. He could now admit it. He was obsessed with Tom Marvolo Riddle; he craved the other wizard, even knowing it was wrong, so wrong. He let his hands fell to the table and glared at everything currently in front of him. How often had Tom said to him that he only needed him? Harry hated it. He had wished that the other wasn’t right about that, but of course he was. 

It was some time later that the door opened and Harry looked up to see Hermione, standing there in the doorway, her eyes full of concern and worry. He knew it should warm his heart to know that his friends were worried about him. 

But lately he had been more annoyed by the fact that they couldn’t leave him alone. Except for since that time that Ginny had left. 

Hermione walked in slowly and unsurely. “Morning.” She whispered. Harry could clearly see she felt uneasy and he wondered if it was because of everything that had happened. 

“Morning…” He muttered back. With a sigh she sat down in front of him. 

“Did you sleep well?” She asked softly. Harry just nodded. He wouldn’t tell them about his dreams anyway. Andrew knew and he was the only one who could not tell anyone. 

“Harry…” Hermione started and he could already hear that she was going to lecture him. He bit back a groan and just listened to her. “You know that you can talk to me about anything right?” 

That was not exactly what Harry had expected and he stared at her, most likely with disbelief in his eyes. She frowned. “Aren’t we friends, Harry? I truly believed we could tell each other everything.” She sighed and looked at the table. “I cannot even imagine what you are going through. But I want you to know that you are not alone. And that no matter what I will listen to you.” 

As Harry stared at her he could for one second feel doubt creeping up inside him. Hermione and Ron had been there since his very first year and now… what was going to happen now. If he brought Tom back and left, what would they do? Continue their lives? Search for him most likely? 

Could he truly leave them al behind without ever telling them the truth? A hand was placed on his shoulder and Tom’s voice whispered close to his ear. “They are not important enough for you and you know it. Not Ron, nor Ginny, nor Hermione can give you what you want and need, Harry.” 

Harry clenched his hands into fists, but Hermione didn’t see it as she was still staring at the table, unable to look at him. He hated that Tom was right, he hated that Tom was always right. 

None of them could truly make him feel anything at all lately. Maybe in the past they could. Maybe one year ago before everything had gone downhill they could make him feel alive, but not anymore.

Slowly he had been fallen in a downward spiral and they couldn’t get him out. No matter how hard Ron tried to cheer him up. No matter how many times Ginny said she loves him. No matter what Hermione did, even sending him to a psychologist. It didn’t work, nothing did. Except the feeling of Tom or Voldemort near him. 

A shiver run over his spine and Hermione finally looked up. He could see the beginning of tears in her eyes. And he simply knew he could never tell them the truth. “I know… I know I can tell you everything ‘Mione.” He smiled, hoping to get the message across. Her lips turned a bit upward, but it wasn’t a real smile. Yet it was better than her starting to cry. 

The days passed and everyone was getting busy for his birthday party and Harry wanted nothing more than just get out of it all. 

So 2 days before his birthday when he was in the shower and Tom appeared, or the black shadow did, and the other male offered him to leave before or after his birthday Harry had been frozen in place. Not quite comprehending the whole situation yet. 

For the past days they all believed him to be fine. It was quite simple really, how he could simply fool them all. He didn’t acknowledge Tom whenever he was with others in the room. Though he was always aware of wherever the black shadow was. 

Tom gave him the perfect replies to every damn thing they asked and said. Never did they doubt his words. They truly believed he was doing fine and that was just like Harry wanted. 

He had known that one day he would leave Britain together with Tom, since Tom asked him. He would at least leave a letter saying that he was fine and that they shouldn’t search for him. He just didn’t think that he could miss his own birthday party. “I can’t leave yet…” Harry replied to Tom. 

“Why not? You clearly don’t want this whole party, Harry. Why stay then?” Tom asked as a hand trailed over Harry’s stomach. Harry sighed and closed his eyes, stepping under the shower, feeling the water move over his body. 

“It is my own birthday party and they spend so much time preparing for it. I can’t just leave them like that, Tom…” Harry murmured. Tom chuckled at his reply. 

“Of course… I just wished I could give you a birthday present.” Tom said. Harry’s eyes shot open and he stared at the black mist. “Pity that I can’t exactly give you anything like this…” Harry felt nails moving over his chest and he arched his back slightly. 

“I…” Harry started, but Tom moved closer and Harry was pushed backwards by the hand on his chest. His back hit the cold tiles and he let out a deep breath. 

“I could truly touch you… make you feel so much more than in your dreams or even right now.” Tom whispered against his neck. _~“Make you completely mine.”~_ The voice hissed and Harry bit back a groan. 

_~“Yes.”~_ Harry hissed back, unknown to himself that he had slipped into parseltongue, until he heard Tom groan against his neck. 

“Go with me…” Tom whispered as he nipped at Harry’s neck. “Just you and me.” Harry still felt his doubts and Tom seemed to feel it, as his hands cupped his head. “Forget about them. You know you don’t need them. You don’t want them. You only want me, Harry.” 

Harry wished he could see Tom’s expression, but he could not. Yet from what Tom said he could hear the desire in his voice and Harry knew it mirrored his own. “Yes…” Harry said, knowing that there was no way back now. 

Somewhere in his mind he knew how this would end, but he knew for sure that he wanted Tom. So he could simply forget about everything else. Tom was the only thing that truly mattered now.


	8. The Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry follows Tom’s instructions and brings him back to life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the next chapter ^-^!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!  
> And all mistakes are still my own! 
> 
> Thanks everyone for the kudos, comments and so on ^-^!!

### Chapter 8: The Ritual: 

The same evening Harry left in the middle of the night, leaving behind one letter and his once girlfriend, who was sound asleep. Harry just hoped they would be able to forgive and forget about him. That they simply would continue their lives and that Ginny would find someone else who could truly give her what she wanted and needed. 

Tom said to him to go to the old Riddle Manor in Little Hangleton and Harry preferred to stay far away from that place, but for Tom he went there and followed the other’s directions. 

The place still looked like shit, but Harry simply followed the other upstairs, where he was guided towards a bookshelf. “Lay your hand on the bookshelf and say in parseltongue ‘Open’.” Tom kind of ordered. 

Harry stepped forward and put his hand palm against it. _~“Open.”~_ He hissed and was shocked when he felt the magic rush through him and all of a sudden he was transported to another room. 

“We are behind the bookshelf now. There is a spell on it that if you say ‘open’ in parseltongue it transports you to this secret room. There is no other way to get inside here.” Tom answered the question that was in his mind. 

Harry felt a coldness grip his shoulder and it steered him forward. Harry glanced up at the few bookshelves and he could practically feel the dark magic radiating from some of the books. A shiver ran through him when he felt that, but Tom seemed to ignore it as he steered him to one of the bookshelves. 

The coldness moved down his arm and then grabbed his hand and pulled it up. Tom placed his hand on one book; Harry couldn’t read the title anymore. “Grab that one.” 

Harry pulled it out with a small sigh as he felt Tom step backwards. As Harry looked at the cover he saw a burning cauldron on it. He blinked a few times. “A potion book?” Harry questioned as he looked around the room and saw the shadow near the other bookshelf. 

Tom hummed. “Yes. We need a potion and the ritual book. Come here.” Harry walked up to the black shadow and stood next to it, as he also stared at the different books. “You want me to look human, yes?” Tom questioned. 

“What?” Harry asked shocked. Tom chuckled at his reaction. 

“You would prefer for me to look human.” Tom stated. Harry’s mind had finally caught up and he realized he was really doing this… This was pure insanity and Harry should have told anyone about this all. 

Even then they would have to search for the last horcrux… Harry stiffened when a cold hand grabbed his and then Tom guided his hand towards another book. “This one too.” Tom said. 

Harry pulled it out, feeling like he was in some kind of daze. He could hardly believe it. But with the anticipation running through him of seeing Tom again, of feeling him for real this time. Obsessed indeed… Harry had no other word for it. He wanted to do this. He wanted to see Tom, to touch him. There was no turning back now.

Harry looked at the book and saw a kind of Celtic pentagram on the cover. He looked at the title and it read: ‘Old rituals’. It was clearly a book that everyone would consider to be dark. Harry was not surprised by it. 

“What do I do with this?” Harry asked and then he glanced at the potions book. “You do know I suck at potions, right…” Harry muttered with a slight frown. If he would botch up a potion Tom would be severely pissed off. Maybe even worse than Snape. 

A soft chuckle sounded from his right and Harry snapped his eyes back up towards the shadow. “Don’t worry, Harry. I will guide you through it.” Tom said. 

Once more Harry felt a hand touched his lower back, as the presence guided him towards a door and Harry automatically opened it and entered the room. He blinked a few times as he saw they were in a room with several cauldrons and a lot of potion ingredients. “Come on.” Tom ordered as Harry was once again steered into the direction of one of the cauldrons. 

Harry silently followed his instructions and he found out with Tom’s help and instructions he was actually quite adequate at potions. Well of course Snape had been an utter bastard every damn lesson, so that didn’t exactly improve his motivation to learn something about potion making and the necessary skills. 

Harry blinked at the nearly white substance that filled the cauldron; he really expected to see a darker potion considered that Harry believed it to be a dark potion. Tom chuckled, clearly reading his thoughts on it as he said. “Looks can be so deceiving, Harry.” 

Harry’s lips turned upwards. How true that was. “What do we do with this?” He asked as he looked up, seeing the shadow standing next to him.

“Turn out the fire and follow me. Take the ritual book with you.” Tom ordered and Harry did that, he vaguely felt the anticipation running through him. Was it because he would finally see Tom again? Possibly. 

Harry followed the shadow out and upstairs. “Clear this room. There needs to be absolutely nothing in here.” Tom said. “Anything that can interfere with the ritual needs to go out.” 

Harry looked at the few chairs and the other stuff inside the room. “Can I just vanish them?” He really didn’t want to waste time, by clearing the room with his hands. 

“Sure, go ahead. We will need to wait some time to actually use the ritual, so that no residue from your spell will interfere.” Tom explained. Harry almost believed he had heard Tom laugh at his question. The shadow moved and stopped in front of him. “Don’t worry.” A cold hand cupped his cheek and unconsciously Harry leaned closer. “I will never leave you.” 

Harry smiled, knowing how true those words were. “Together, forever…” Harry whispered. It sounded quite like a statement, but both of them knew it was meant to be a question. 

Lips touched his and Harry closed his eyes at the small feeling. “Together, forever.” Tom replied, echoing Harry’s words. Harry could barely hear Tom’s reply as soft as it was. But it warmed him from the inside out. Tom would not leave him. 

They would stay together forever, they promised after all. Harry would never kill him. The thought didn’t even cross his mind. He had lost so much throughout the years. The thought of once more seeing Tom die. Harry shivered at the thought. 

“Shh… I am not going anywhere.” Tom whispered and Harry felt arms embrace him. “Clear the room and then we will wait.” Tom whispered after Harry felt a bit more relaxed and reassured. 

Harry sighed and then nodded. The shadow stepped away and Harry raised his wand, removing all the furniture and other stuff. 

After an half hour of waiting they finally made their way back to the now empty room and Tom ordered him to draw the runes on the ground, placing them exactly on the places Tom had ordered. This was a bit difficult, since Harry never took Runes as a course, but he still managed. 

When Harry had finished, the shadow approached him and Harry blinked at it as a hand gently cupped his cheek. “How far will you be willing to go to bring me back?” Tom asked softly. 

Harry replied without thinking. “I would do anything…” Somewhere deep down Harry must have known it was pure insanity to reply like that. 

“Good… I need a body.” Tom replied and Harry felt breath against his lips, indicating how close by Tom was. “We must find a muggle or someone else who will be capable of harbouring my soul.” 

Harry tensed. “I...I must kill someone?” Harry questioned. His mind rebelling slightly. He wanted Tom to return and he had said he would do anything, but to actually kill someone. He never wanted that. 

“No.” Tom said quickly. “No… We will only need to bring a person in here. We need to find someone.” Harry felt Tom’s other hand cup his other cheek. “You would do anything right. You promised, Harry.” 

Harry nodded, albeit reluctantly. 

And just like that Harry found himself in London, in the middle of the night. Tom was walking next to him, looking around to search for a suitable body. Harry pulled his coat a bit closer around him. It wasn’t that cold, but something inside him felt cold. He knew he could not back down now. He had agreed and he wanted this as well. But to actually use another human like this…

They stepped into a dark alleyway and Tom’s voice broke through his dark thoughts. “That person there.” Harry looked up and saw the black shadow moving towards a person sitting on the ground. A middle aged male, blonde messy hair that desperately needed to be washed and combed. Clothes were messy and torn at some places and Harry frowned. 

It looked like this person was living on the streets. “He would not be missed, Harry…” Tom stated softly. “And I doubt he wants to continue living like this.” Harry just nodded and walked over to the other, who seemed to be asleep. 

Harry softly grabbed the persons shoulder and apparated them away. Straight outside the room in which they were going to be performing the ritual. The male stiffened and immediately moved forward, throwing up on the floor. He kept retching and Harry frowned slightly, looking disgusted at the male. 

As the male kept coughing Harry noticed the black shadow move forward and the male tensed. Harry could hear Tom chuckle. “I was right indeed… he wished to be dead anyway.” Harry didn’t know if those words made things better or not. Harry didn’t say anything as the male gasped and his eyes widened, the black shadow moved all around him, until it seemed to fade into him, making Harry step backwards unconsciously. 

 

“Such a weak mind… an alcoholic and drug addict…” The male’s voice sounded hoarse and broken, yet Harry was sure that those words were spoken by Tom. And as the male looked up and Harry saw the hunger and desire in those brown eyes Harry was certain that Tom had taken control of the other’s body. 

“How… why?” Harry asked with a slight frown. Tom stood up and cleaned up the mess on the floor. Harry wondered why Tom had done nothing like this, if he was capable of possessing other people. Why had he not done so before? 

“I merely waited, Harry… I waited for the right moment. Come.” Tom ordered and Harry followed as Tom walked into the other room. 

The potion that Harry had created with Tom’s guidance was retrieved and put in a vial and Tom stepped forward in the body. 

He stopped in the middle of the room, all the runes surrounded him and Harry looked up at the unfamiliar face. 

“Stay there, no matter what happens.” Tom said. Harry felt a bit strange seeing such an unfamiliar face, but knowing that it was Tom speaking to him, so he nodded. 

Tom opened the vial and drank it down. The effect was immediate, as the male fell down to his knees with a gasp. Soon after however Harry could hear the voice chanting and Harry stayed there, rooted to the ground as the magic circled around Tom. 

The runes on the ground were lighting up and Harry could feel the magic increasing. Harry looked at the other and saw that Tom had his eyes closed as he seemed to concentrate quite deeply. Words that Harry didn’t understood echoed through the room and Harry recognized it as Latin. 

He felt the magic blast through the ritual circle and he automatically moved his arm in front of his eyes as a blinded light filled the room. When Harry heard nothing anymore he carefully lowered his arms and his eyes widened as his mouth opened and closed again. 

His mind shutting down, not able to quite comprehend what he was seeing. There in the middle of the ritual circle, where first a stranger had been sitting on his knees, there was now standing a person Harry was very familiar with. 

A person that had been haunting his dreams and his very life. Harry’s arms went back to his side as he saw those blood red eyes regarding him as well. It was like this person was a mix between Tom Riddle and Voldemort himself and Harry felt the feelings rush through him. 

Dark brown hair, a bit curly at the end and that handsome face that had Harry mesmerized since the very beginning. Tom Riddle. 

The only thing which stood out the most was those red eyes that were still watching his every reaction. Red eyes, just like Voldemort had had. He looked to be around his middle thirties and Harry gulped when he felt how nervous he was. 

Harry’s breath left him and his heart started beating louder as Tom’s red lips turned upwards. The other male stepped forward towards him and Harry felt like he was frozen in place as Tom stopped in front of him. 

Those red eyes stared at him, almost hungrily and Harry felt a pleasant feeling running through his scar. Thinking back on it later Harry had no idea who had started the kiss, as their lips met in a hungry kiss. Harry could feel his own desperation and desire for the other. 

Tom pushed him backwards until his back hit the wall and Harry gasped, his mouth opening, giving Tom access. Tom’s hands grabbed the back of his head and pulled rather harshly at his unruly black hair, as his tongue plundered into his mouth. 

Harry’s hands landed onto Tom’s back, clutching desperately at the torn and messy clothes, which didn’t suit Tom at all. Harry’s fingers found a tear at the back and he ripped it apart, making Tom chuckle against his mouth, as those sinful lips that Harry had felt so often, yet never for real moved and kissed his neck. 

Harry let his head fall backwards and closed his eyes with a small groan as Tom kissed and sucked on his neck. “You have no idea how long I waited for this…” Tom growled slightly. 

Harry knew how desperate he felt at this point and he could understand Tom’s feelings. “I feel the same…” Harry groaned and he let out a small moan as Tom bit down rather hard. 

Tom laughed, it sounded cruel and cold, but Harry didn’t hear it like that and all of a sudden he felt cold as all of his clothes faded away. Tom’s fingers tightened into his hair again and pulled Harry in for another kiss. 

A thigh was pushed between his legs and Harry could also feel Tom’s erection against his left hip and he pushed his hips forward, as did Tom. The kiss turned gentler one of Tom’s hands moved down, all over his back until it landed on his right ass cheek. 

Harry gasped as he felt his ass being stretched and lubed. He had known there were spells like that, but he had never felt it before. Tom pushed him closer against the wall and his hands went and grabbed onto his hips. 

Harry understood what he wanted and he lifted his feet of the ground, while Tom held him and Harry whimpered slightly when he felt Tom’s erection brush over his balls and through his crack. He wrapped his feet around Tom’s waist and softly and gently Tom lowered him and Harry felt the tip of Tom’s cock touching his entrance. 

Harry opened his eyes when all movement stopped and he saw Tom watching him intently. Tom leaned forward, making their forehead touch each other’s. “You’re mine, Harry.” Tom stated, clearly leaving no room for arguments at all. 

Harry only felt desire rush through him and happiness at those words. He felt complete and alive. He buried his fingers into Tom’s sleek hair. “Yours.” Harry muttered, making Tom smile at him and he felt another surge of happiness go through him. But this happiness seemed to be different than his; filled with something more that Harry could not quite understand. Something far darker, but before Harry’s mind could truly understand it Tom pushed forward, breaching him in one swift thrust.

Harry moaned and arched his back as he pulled at Tom’s hair, making the other groan. Tom didn’t wait and set a rather brutal and hard pacer, but Harry didn’t mind. He kept moaning and panting, saying things he would never repeat again. 

Tom buried his face into Harry’s neck, while Harry held on to Tom’s shoulder. It felt like he was flying. He could feel so much, Harry was even unaware as tears streamed over his cheek, coming from his closed eyes. 

He felt so much as Tom pounded into him, yet at the same time he wanted more and more. Even now it didn’t feel like it was enough. 

And as he gasped and moaned for more, Tom groaned against his neck and seemed to comply, as a searing bliss entered him through his scar. “Ahhh.” Harry moaned as his orgasm ripped through him, catching him completely unaware. 

Even through the blissful feeling he could feel another orgasm go through his body and he felt Tom filling him with his semen and before Harry completely passed out he understand that he had felt Tom’s feelings as well. He had clearly experienced Tom’s orgasm. 

 

As the boy passed out Voldemort held him as he tried to relax his new body. He smirked and let out a laugh as he apparated them into a bedroom and gently laid his horcrux down on the bed. 

He stared down at the other with a satisfied smirk. With a spell he cleaned them both and he then looked up to the others inside the room. His red eyes alight with amusement. “How the mighty have fallen…” Voldemort whispered. 

The others remained quiet now, knowing that they could do nothing to stop it all. They had tried; the red-haired female was crying as a black-haired male held her and attempted to comfort her. 

The werewolf looked sad at the boy who was now passed out on the bed. And Sirius Black still screamed, knowing that his words went unheard. Harry was unable to hear them. He had only been able to see and hear Voldemort. 

Severus’s black eyes looked sad as he looked at the young male lying on the bed. He once glanced up and saw James tightening his hold on Lily. 

Albus shook his head. “Tom… this is wrong.” He said softly, but the other just cocked his head to the side a little, a smirk still on his lips. 

“Wrong? What you did was wrong Albus… If you had not destroyed everything… if you had actually had the courage to kill him… this would not have happened. You damned him yourself.” Voldemort said. “And I will never let him go. The world will burn before anyone will ever touch him.” Voldemort’s words were harsh, making the ghosts tense. 

Voldemort laughed at their expressions. “You have lost, old man.” For Voldemort knew, there would be no one and nothing that could stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is going to be one more chapter and then this story will be finished :). I might write a sequel one day however, since I do have some more ideas.


	9. Broken Down Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry feels broken and empty. Voldemort uses him, not caring for Harry’s wellbeing and mental state at all. While the ghosts watch and can do nothing to help Harry at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is the last chapter of this story :). 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!  
> And all mistakes are still my own! 
> 
> Thanks everyone for the comments, kudos and so on ^-^!  
> I am glad that people actually liked this story. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Sad, really sad I think.

### Chapter 9: Broken Down Soul

After Tom had fucked him against the wall in the Riddle Manor Harry could not feel anything clear anymore. 

He believed something important had happened, but he could not recall what exactly. What he did remember was the feeling that had remained. 

An empty feeling, a kind of ache that could only be soothed when Tom was near him. Luckily Tom was often near him, unless he was out. Harry had no idea where he went and what he did and his thoughts didn’t even stray to whatever Tom was doing out there. His mind was solely focused on Tom and Tom’s presence when he was near. Nothing else mattered.

And so Harry had not left this very room since he had woken up and it was fine. He didn’t need anything or anyone that was out there. He only needed Tom and Tom knew where to find him. So Harry truly believed he was fine. 

He stared up at the ceiling, blinking slowly. Once more he felt the coldness in his very being and if he thought back he could vaguely remember the excruciating pain. Pain unlike anything he had ever felt before, not even the Cruciatus Curse could compare to it.

It was not his body that had felt this pain, not his heart, but something else entirely. Harry just couldn’t place it, anytime he thought he finally understood what had happened something seemed to block his mind and he would stop thinking about it. It was just beyond his grasp every time and Harry had eventually giving up on remembering. Tom had even said to him that it was not important. So it must not be important.

Tom had also said that everything was fine, so Harry believed him. Tom was right after all. Harry turned his head and looked at the window. How much time had passed since he had brought Tom back? 

Right now it seemed to be dark again, but Harry couldn’t quite recall how many hours, days or even weeks had passed. Time seemed to pass, of that Harry was aware, but other than that he didn’t have any indication of time anymore.

Lately it felt like every day was the same, yet it was not. At some days he believed he could hear a girl cry out. A voice that sounded vaguely familiar yet Harry couldn’t place it. Though he could almost imagine a redheaded girl, a soft smile on her lips and her eyes filled with worry. 

Though the image seemed to fade just as quickly, as did the voice. Yet today was one of those days again. He could almost see it, in front of his own eyes. A young female trying to get away, to flee, screaming at him to stop. Calling out his name, but it was useless. 

A cold laugh echoed through the familiar house and Harry was almost certain it was coming from his own mouth. After that a green blinding light filled the bedroom and the young female went down. Yet Harry couldn’t feel anything for it, despite the tears rolling over his cheeks. He couldn’t feel anything at all. He only felt numb and detached from it all. 

The door opened and just like that a switch was pushed and the thoughts faded away as the feeling of completeness filled him. He sat up and looked at Tom, who walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. A soft smile appeared on Tom’s face as he cupped his cheeks and wiped his thumbs over the tear stains. “I can’t even leave you alone for one day.” Tom whispered. 

Harry smiled and leaned into the hands. “Sorry…” He muttered softly. Tom just chuckled and pushed him down. Tom followed and pulled him against his chest making Harry sigh contented. His emerald eyes closed. “I missed you.” Harry whispered softly. 

Tom hummed and kissed the top of his head. “I know you did, but I am never far.” Harry felt a finger trace over his scar, a pleasant feeling spread through his body making Harry gasp softly. 

Voldemort smirked and looked up to see the other ghosts standing in the bedroom, a young girl now stood by them. Her eyes glaring at him full with hatred. Yet they could do nothing at all. Harry Potter was his now and he would never let him go. And Britain was almost his as well. They could do nothing to stop him at all. “I will haunt you forever, Harry Potter.” Voldemort whispered. Red eyes alight with satisfaction as Albus looked sad and shook his head. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry sighed and buried himself deeper into the body lying next to him, yet it never felt enough. Maybe when Tom fucked him he could feel like he was whole again, but the emptiness inside him remained and throughout the time it had only grown stronger. 

Tom hummed softly. “Happy 19th birthday my sweet soul.” Tom murmured, still sounding half asleep. 

Harry’s lips turned upwards a bit and he moved up a bit, slowly licking at Tom’s neck that was in front of him. “Don’t I get a birthday present?” Tom chuckled and moved them, so he was hovering over Harry. 

“Of course. I wouldn’t dare to forget.” Tom whispered as he closed the distance between them and kissed Harry hard, making the younger moan softly. 

Tom tied his hands to the headboard of the bed and fucked him hard. Harry could only moan as the ruthless thrusts brought him closer and closer to his orgasm. And when he came he felt Tom thrust a few times before sperm filled his ass, making Harry let out a small sigh. 

Tom just buried his face close to Harry’s neck and Harry moved his head and placed a tender kiss near Tom’s ear. “I love you…” Harry whispered softly. Tom didn’t reply. Harry knew he never replied. 

Tom pulled back and those red eyes stared straight in his emerald eyes. A hand cupped his cheek. It was almost as if Tom was searching for something, anything and Harry could feel his heart start to beat louder. “I know…” Tom eventually replied, just as softly. 

Harry closed his eyes and leaned into the hand. It was enough, just like this. To have Tom near him like this was enough. He didn’t need to love him back. Harry knew what he was worth to Tom. Tom placed a kiss upon his forehead and released the spell holding his hands and just like that Harry was left alone. 

Harry sat up and walked over to the shower, feeling the coldness spreading inside his body. Tears streamed from his emerald eyes as he looked at himself in the mirror. He could barely recognize himself, and the blurry image because of the tears in his eyes only made it much worse. 

He touched the mirror, right on the left cheek, where Tom had put his hand so gently. 19… He was now 19, but in a way he felt much older. 1 year had passed since he had… Harry frowned, the memories becoming hazy once more and more tears streamed down. Harry did nothing to stop it, as a sob tore from his throat and he let himself fall on his knees. 

He had forgotten something important, he knew he had. Tom said it was alright. But this time he felt like his heart was torn from his chest. He clutched his hand against his chest and sobbed quietly, hoping that Tom wouldn’t hear it. 

He was unaware of the ghosts that were standing near him. Ghosts that wanted to comfort him, but were unable too. He was unaware that he was not alone, because he truly believed himself to be completely alone. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Voldemort sat at his desk and twirled the Elder wand through his fingers, staring at the ghost of Albus Dumbledore who seemed fixed on staying in his manor lately. As did all the other ghosts. It only amused Voldemort however. 

They knew they were powerless to stop him. He had already won. Soon every last one that was in the New Order of the Phoenix would be found and killed. The Ministry had already been his for months now. So simple it was, he only had to walk up to the Minister and kill him. Now he was the new Minister. And his followers that still lived were now controlling most of the Ministry. 

“Tom… this can never end well. Don’t you see you are hurting Harry.” Albus stated and Voldemort stopped rolling the wand through his fingers. 

“You think I care, Albus?” Voldemort asked in return. He didn’t care for the wellbeing of the boy. He only cared that his horcrux was safe. Nothing else mattered. If he had to act and lie to the boy, that was alright as well, anything to keep Harry by his side. 

But Voldemort knew that there was no way that Harry would ever leave him ever again. He would never feel complete again. 

“You really went too far, Tom.” Albus said, blue eyes narrowing slightly. “He isn’t like you.” 

“No, he is not.” Voldemort replied. “Tell me, did you think I would gather all the Deadly Hallows like this? You really planned for Harry to become the true Master of Death. Did you always believe your plans would work and you would win?” Voldemort asked, really feeling curious whether Albus had believed he could play and win this game of theirs. 

“This is not a game, Tom.” Albus stated. “You are playing with human lives.” 

Voldemort let out a cold laugh. “And you didn’t do the same, old man!?” He snarled back. He grinned at the other as Albus looked guilty. “You were planning on sacrificing a 17 year old just to stop me… You were waiting for me to kill him…” Voldemort shook his head and leaned back into his chair. “And I am so glad he survived.” Voldemort said. A pleased grin on his face that made Albus shook his head. 

“In the end every human faces death, Tom. Even Wizards and Witches cannot escape that fate. Humans are born to die.” Albus said. Voldemort glared at him. 

“I am the Master of Death and I have my last horcrux, Albus!” Voldemort snapped as he stood up and glared at the ghost. “And in turn I carry a piece of Harry’s soul.” Voldemort stayed quiet for some time, before deciding to tell Albus what he was planning. 

Voldemort smirked and shook his head, making Albus frown at him. “I will not end it here, you know. Harry’s precious soul is only split in half. I can possess him, making him kill more.” Even though Albus was a mere ghost Voldemort could imagine him palling at those words. “I will create more horcruxes for him, for us. Immortality forever.” Voldemort laughed at Albus’s shocked and disgusted expression. “Such a beautiful broken soul he will be!” Voldemort exclaimed. “And he is entirely mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said before, I might write a sequel one day. But for now this story has come to its end.  
> Hope you all like the ending and I guess that it might come as quite a surprise XD? 
> 
> Normally I really dislike sad endings, but with this story I just couldn’t end up writing a happy ending. Somehow I think it wouldn’t quite fit. And Voldemort is just being an evil bastard XD. 
> 
> Anyways thanks again for everyone that commented, subscribed and liked this story!!!  
> And maybe till next time for the sequel ^-^.


End file.
